Part 40 (1/2)
”Because I respected the rabbi, I respect both of you, and your feelings mean a lot to me.”
”It sounds to me like you're looking for absolution,” Hannah said. ”In our religion, absolution comes only from G.o.d, and from doing the right thing. I believe my husband would have told you the same thing had he been here.”
”I suppose so,” Joshua said wearily, realizing this was as far as he was going to get. He rose to his feet. ”I'm sorry I bothered you so late at night.”
”No bother, it was good to see you,” Hannah said, also rising.
Rachel remained seated, lost in some place he couldn't get to.
”Well, thank you both for seeing me.”
”You are welcome always,” Hannah said, as she escorted him to the door.
Rachel remained in the living room.
He stepped into the hall. ”Thank you again, and good-night.”
”Good-night, Joshua, and may G.o.d help you find the answers you seek.”
It was two o'clock in the morning. Loretta was asleep in her bedroom, and Joshua, unable to sleep, was up watching late night TV in the living room, trying to rest his mind. The doorbell rang, followed by a loud knock. He knew who it was.
He responded quickly, hoping Loretta hadn't been awakened. He barely had the door halfway open, when it came cras.h.i.+ng into him. Then, a slap, hard and mighty, threw him off balance, as he heard the words: ”How dare you!”
She walked past him, straight into the living room. At this point, he was certain his mother was awake, and equally certain she would remain in her room, pretending not to be. He used his hand to sooth the sting on his face, and looked at Rachel. He wasn't angry with her; he knew he had no right to be.
”How could you do that to me?” she exclaimed.
”I was wrong, I shouldn't have...”
”Shouldn't have! Whatever were you thinking?”
”That's just it, I wasn't thinking.”
She looked at him, seething.
”How did you get here this time of night?” he asked.
”I walked, rather ran.”
”But the streets...”
”The streets are perfectly safe, safer than ever. Since Rabbi Turner's murder, they've formed community patrols. They're all over the place.”
”Who's they?”
”Who do you think?”
”The Lubavitchers?”
”That's right. No more relying on the police. It was never a good idea for a Jew to depend on the Czar's protection in the first place. It just took us a while to figure that out here.”
”Oh boy!”
”Oh boy what?”
”It's going to cause trouble. Hasidic community patrols in a seventy percent black neighborhood isn't going to go over very well.”
She considered his point.
He looked at her. ”I'm sorry I came to your home. It was probably the most idiotic thing I've ever done.”
”Probably!”
”There's no excuse.”
”But I'll just bet there's an explanation.”
”Well,” he said hesitantly, ”there is, if you want to hear it.”
”I'm dying to.” Sarcasm.
”I needed to run this by you tonight; they want an answer tomorrow morning.”
”And I suppose it has something to do with me?”
”It has everything to do with you; with us.”
”Us,” she repeated, ”I don't even know what that means after tonight.”
”That's good because I didn't know what it meant before tonight.”
”So that's what this whole thing is about, isn't it? You had an opportunity to test the waters, to see just how far you could come into my life, and you decided, what the h.e.l.l, why not? I can't stand her silly little rules anyway!”
He realized she was right: he had been motivated by more than simply getting her approval for the Larry Pilgrim case. He had used the case for another agenda, and why not; why not go to her home, have her mother see them together, and bring the whole d.a.m.n thing out into the open at last?
”That's it, isn't it?” she continued.
”I did want to know how you felt about me taking this case.”
”I'm sure you did, and I'm sure you're clever enough to have found a way to get in touch with me without involving my mother. But you wanted to involve my mother, didn't you?”
”I suppose,” he confessed, ”it's possible I got carried away with things...”
”Carried away! That's an understatement.”
”Look Rachel, I'm sorry if I hurt you; that's the last thing I'd ever want to do, believe it or not. And maybe you're right, maybe I am tired of all your restrictions, but one thing I'm not, is ashamed. I am not now, nor will I ever be, ashamed of having gone to your home. If you can't understand and accept that, then there really is no us.”