Part 19 (1/2)

-New clothes always look good in theabout half of all the clothes I buy

-Stores have got to reater effort to have prices coet left with so ood if there were some way to feed information to the brain intravenously

-If I could start over, I'd be a s are True about Sports -There's es than in the business pages of the newspaper

-Of all the balls we use to play ga It was a crazy idea to play a game with a ball that isn't round, but it's worked out fine As a enius You can kick it or throw it as well or maybe even better than a round ball, and its bounce is just unpredictable enough to add an interesting eleolf tournament, I still expect Arnold Palmer to win it

-I saw Muhaladiator the world has ever known”

Not by me, he isn't I'd put two boxers ahead of Ali, both for wellknownness and fighting ability They are Joe Louis and Jack Deeneration who never coainst each other are hard to co after their playing days are over and sometimes after anyone is left alive who saw them play The name Babe Ruth has probably survived the years better than any other sports figure It's a, when you consider that he played before television, that Babe Ruth is still the best-known Aure of all tiers have escapes me Football coaches sound like Phi Beta Kappas by coers may have some brains, but I've never heard one with an education

-I' a baseball tea a football team is called a coach

-Another difference is in the way they dress A baseball er wears a baseball uniform to work A football coach doesn't wear a football uniforh it wouldn't look any sillier

-The game of baseball may be in trouble in the near future and it won't be simply because of the multiest proble it asbasketball instead

There aren't any empty lots left, so the city kids are all over at the blacktop behind the school shooting baskets

A sign of the probleue baseball teaue baseball players are black In pro basketball, 72 percent of the players are black

-When ere kids, we used to cut the cover off old golf balls and unwind the rubber string underneath Soht explode if you cut into it, so we stopped playing with theh What I resent is the price of a hot dog or a beer at the stadium

-I'd rather play tennis indoors on a rainy day than outdoors on a sunny day

-It's a mystery to me why there are no black jockeys

-I love to watch a football ga there If you're at the gaalia, after a 60 Minutes 60 Minutes spot on his favorite team spot on his favorite team to watch At home in front of the TV screen, you watch what someone else chooses to show you

-Players for the hoe the crowd to drown out the opposing quarterback's voice when he's trying to call signals

-It's surprising that so olf courses I should think olf clubs would have voted to sell the land to developers That's what I think of golf clubsteroids but I wouldn't knohat to do with a lot of ame, I hope a team wins so much that you'd think it really mattered

-Sports announcers usually work in pairs and none of them see to each other or to us

-So difference how interesting the waiting ti's going on in both football and baseball, but serious fans enjoy anticipating what their tea time isn't dull

Hockey is the worst sport on television and there's no waiting time

That's partly true of basketball too, but there's soabout whether your team can catch up

If you think hockey is a bad sport for television, try listening to it on radio soes of their paper first, but that doesn'tin the paper

”Happy Holiday” Doesn't Do It The following things are true about Christmas: -Sometimes it's joyous and merry but it's never easy

-Old weather records do not substantiate the suggestion, given by today's Christ scenes from old-fashi+oned Christmases, that it used to snow h the snow pulling sleighs on the way to grando than cars do now It almost never snows on Christmas even in northern parts of the country and if it does, the ”Happy Holiday” Doesn't Do It 277 277 snoet and slushy and not conducive to horses pulling sleighs through it

-It's a sign of the new sensitivity to political correctness that,”Merry Christmas” Most Jews I know accept ”Merry Christ any heavy religious baggage to it Most atheists or agnostics I know use ”Merry Christ open a beautifully wrapped present It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish

-So than anyone else My sister stays up in the back bedroom in our house and we all deliver presents to her to be wrapped as if she was the package room behind the scenes in a department store

-Of course it's true that soet than others but soive to, others are hard and there's always one who's i, it's that he or she is not enthusiastic about gifts

-The knowledge that the sales will start the day after Christ presents before Christ for so Clothes look bigger on the rack than they do on someone

-The store clerk who asks, ”May I help you with so?” can hardly ever help

-You read and hear a lot of advice about how to keep your Christ dry so the needles don't fall off butanyone does can keep the their needles all over your livingrooe and black see they'd be as Christs to the contrary, the best presents coes

-A quarter of the Christet are froainst a coe you a Christmas card ”Happy Holidays from all of us at the First National Bank” doesn't make me feel warm all over toward the bank I don't want cards from any real estate brokers, dentists, insurance salesmen or car dealers, either I don't want a Christmas card froroup the President of the United States When Bill Clinton was President, we used to get two cards from Bill and Hillary, one at home and one at the office

The Clintons wished us ”a beautiful holiday season” I was flattered and touched until I came to the note in small print on the back of the card that read ”PAID FOR BY THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE” That's not in the Christmas spirit

Apparently the Clintons didn't leave their Christmas card list with the Bushes We haven't received one from them

The More You Eat What follows is a list of the ten best tastes