Part 4 (2/2)
Or it might have been because of the frock she wore, and the sword she didn't.
She missed the familiar rhythm of it hanging from her belt and bouncing against her leg every other step, but when, now and then, she absently reached for the hilt that wasn't there, it was more by habit than from nervousness. She knew there were no demons in the woods, Elden saw to that. And even if there had been, even if a demon had been hiding on her path, waiting for the perfect moment to attack, she was confident in her ability to defend herself and kill it. A lot had happened since the last Souls Night, and it had been a long time since anyone, even Elden, had called her a child.
She wasn't the only one who had become a good Fighter. Almost all of them had benefited from Elden's lessons, and they hadn't lost anyone to the demons for five months-the longest amount of time without casualties since the Great Death, the Eldest said. It had started with bi-weekly lessons on how to fight with a sword, and only three other students other than Mierna. In time, more Fighters had come to observe, then join in. The Eldest himself had sat in on lessons, and while he had long since given up on carrying a weapon, he had spent long hours discussing strategy with Elden. Little by little, the way the Fighters were organized had changed; the way they responded to attacks and fought, improved. They all knew whom they had to thank for it.
Several times, the idea of renewing the Pact had been raised; blood had been offered. Elden had always refused both. Mierna was the only one whose blood he took, and while the Fighters knew, they never mentioned it.
Warmth spread through Mierna at the thought of Elden biting her. She did not feel any pain from it anymore; rather, offering him her blood always left her aroused and wis.h.i.+ng for more. Each time, she hoped for another kiss, like the one they had shared what felt like a lifetime ago. She could still remember the feel of his lips, the gentleness of his touch, but as much as she wished he would kiss her again, he never had. A couple of times, she had thought he would. She had also tried to make herself take the initiative, without result; so far, she had just been too scared he would reject her. Tonight, though, shewas ready to try her chance.
When she finally reached the clearing in the woods where Elden's lair stood, he was there, as he had been a year earlier, as she had thought he would be; standing in front of his Childer's graves. The seven small candles were lit already, each placed in front of a tombstone and casting light onto the all but faded names.
He didn't move as she approached, but his voice rose, quiet and calm.
”I told you, Mierna. I don't touch weapons on this night.”
”I know.” She came to stand by his side, and raised her right hand to show him the flowers she had brought. ”Can I?”
A few seconds pa.s.sed without Elden reacting in any way. Then, very slowly, he turned to face her. It was too dark for her to see his eyes, and she had no idea what he might feel or think at that moment.
”Why?” he asked at last. ”You didn't know them.”
”I know they fought demons.”
After a moment of silence, he gave a short nod. Mierna could feel his eyes on her as she placed a flower beside each candle.
”And I know,” she added when she was done and turned to him again, ”that you loved them.”
She had thought for a long time about what she would say, this night. How she would convince him. It didn't make the words any easier to say, especially when Elden sounded so pained when he answered.
”Not the way you mean it, but I did.”
She held her breath for a second before asking: ”I thought vampires couldn't love.”
Elden c.o.c.ked his head to one side. In the new angle, she could see the frown now pulling his eyebrows tighter together.
”And yet, you just said yourself that I loved them.”
This, Mierna had not antic.i.p.ated, although in retrospect she saw she should have. Caught in what she had hoped the discussion would sound like, she had overlooked this obvious flaw in her plan, and who knew what else. Her confidence wavered as she wondered if she was making a terrible mistake. If Elden did not respond the way she hoped, what would be left of their friends.h.i.+p?
Needing a moment to gather her thoughts, she took a few steps away from the graves. A cold wind had risen while they talked, and she rubbed her arms. She wished she had taken her cloak. Elden must have noticed; without a word, he led the way inside and to the common room where a fire was lit. Still silent, he sat at the table and started setting the board of Stones and Water. He had taught Mierna to play, over the months, and oftentimes, caught in the game, he had started speaking, sharing more of himself, of his Childer, than he ever did otherwise.
Mierna sat by his side and moved her first stone. They played a few turns in silence before Elden spokeagain.
”So, why bring up the idea that I loved them if you didn't think vampires could love?”
Her hand had just risen to pick up a game piece, but she lowered it again without moving anything.
”I guess ... I hoped you would tell me the old saying that vamps love nothing save for blood and battle isn't true.”
Elden looked up from the board to meet her eyes at that, but he didn't comment. Mierna tried to get back to the game, but she could see already that she had made several mistakes, too distracted to play her best. If she was going to lose, she might as well get back to what she had come for.
”Gorden asked me to marry him,” she said as casually as she could manage, her eyes strained on Elden so she would pick up any reaction.
The glance up was brief; she would have missed it if she had blinked. But the look in his eyes, the sudden twitch in his jaw, the cold tone of his voice when he grumbled a stern, ”He's a good fighter” all pointed out to the same thing. He was jealous. Mierna grinned.
”I said no.”
He gave her a longer look this time, full of surprise and confusion. ”You did?”
”I'm in love with ... with someone else.”
She had wanted to say ”with you” but at the last moment the word refused to pa.s.s her lips. She thought her hesitation would give her away, but Elden seemed to deflate as he looked down at the board again.
”Oh.”
His empty reply almost made her smile. It was just like him to make things as difficult as they could be without even realizing what he was doing.
”The first time I saw him,” she said, each word slow and measured, ”I thought he was the best looking man I had ever met.”
His eyes remained on the board although it was still Mierna's turn. His brow furrowed, but he didn't say anything.
”And then I saw him fight,” she continued, ”and I learned he was courageous.”
She could still remember the first time she had seen Elden fight demons. He had been teaching her and the others a new move in the barn when the horn had called them to battle. She had almost gotten herself hurt when she had paid a little too much attention to the way he moved when he fought. It had been like watching him dance.
”And he helped us plan to keep the village safe, and I could tell he was clever, even if he was always so quiet.”
Finally, he looked back at her. He was beginning to understand, but there was more she wanted to say. ”And with time I realized he was quiet because he hurt, and I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how, so I tried to be a friend. The best friend I could be.”
”You were,” he murmured.
His hand moved toward hers on the table until their fingers wove together. Words were so inadequate, and yet they were all she had-that, and the touch of their hands-to tell him how much he meant to her.
”And I've fallen in love with him, after so many nights. It always makes my heart jump in my chest when I think of him. On the nights I know I'll see him, I can barely breathe. When he kissed me, it was like ...
like I died and was reborn in the same moment. And when we part, it's always like I'm cutting myself in two.”
”Mierna...”
Her name was so soft, on his lips, no more than a caress. She wanted to hear him answer, but more than that she wanted to finish, let it all out after weeks of planning her words.
”And I've thought it out, you see. There are two things I care about. Being with him, and keeping my people safe. I'd do that better if I were a vampire. If I healed faster, and moved better, and were stronger. And I could be with him...” She took a deep breath and tightened her fingers over his. ”I could be with you forever.”
She felt lighter, suddenly, as though the words had been weighing her down and voicing them had freed her. She tried to control her breathing, but her heartbeat drummed in her ears, faster with each pa.s.sing moment of silence. When Elden pulled his hand free and stood, she thought her heart would stop.
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