Part 6 (1/2)
MR. WOODBY-INN. That's no good; no point in ridin' after the right time.
(_To himself, as he turns away._) Nuisance! Not that I'm so keen about a moke. Not a patch on a bike!--though it don't do to say so. Only if I'd known this, I'd have turned up in a tall hat and frock coat; and then I could have taken a turn on the steam-circus. Wonder if it would be any sort of form shyin' at cocoa-nuts in tweeds and a straw hat. Must ask some chap who knows. More puzzlin' what to put on this year than ever!
LADY RANELA HURLINGHAM (_breathlessly to DONKEY PROPRIETOR_). That's mine, isn't it? Will you please put me up, and _promise_ me you'll keep close behind and make him run. (_Suppliantly._) You will, _won't_ you?
The DONKEY PROPRIETOR (_with a due sense of his own value_). Well, I dessay I can come along presently, Lady 'Urlingham, and fetch 'im a whack or two; jest now I can't, having engaged to come and 'old the Mars.h.i.+ness of 'Ammercloth on _'er_ moke; but there, you orter be able to git along well enough by yourself now--_you_ ought!
[Ill.u.s.tration: ”Mokestrians.”]
CAPTAIN SONBYRNE (_just home on leave from India--to MRS.
CHESHAM-LOWNDES_). Rather an odd sort of idea this--I mean, coming all the way out here to ride a lot of donkeys, eh?
MRS. CHESHAM-LOWNDES. It used to be rather amusing a month ago, before they all got used to riding so near the tail; but now they're all so good at it, don't you know.
CAPT. SONB. I went down to Battersea Park yesterday to see the bicyclists. Not a soul there, give you my word!
MRS. C.-L. No; there _wouldn't_ be _this_ season. You see, all sorts and conditions of people began to take it up, and it got too fearfully common. And now moke-riding has quite cut it out.
CAPT. SONB. But why ride donkeys when you can get gees?
MRS. C.-L. Oh, well, they're democratic, and cheap, and all that, don't you know. And one really can't be _seen_ on a horse this year--in town, at least. In the country it don't matter so much.
FIRST MOKESTRIAN (_to second ditto_). Hullo, old chap, so _you_'ve taken to a moke at last, eh? How are you gettin' on?
SECOND MOKESTRIAN. Pretty well. I can sit on his tail all right now, but I can't get into the way of keepin' my heels off the ground yet, it's so beastly difficult.
_Fragments from_ SPECTATORS. That's rather a smart barrow Lady Barinrayne's drivin' to-day.... Who's the fellow with her, with the paper feather in his pot-hat? Bad style, _I_ call it.... That's Lord Freddy Fugleman--best dressed man in London. You'll see everybody turnin' up in a paper feather in a day or two.... Lot of men seem to be using a short clay as a cigarette-holder now, don't they?... Yes, Roddie Rippingill introduced the idea last week, and it seems to have caught on. [_&c._, _&c._]
_After Luncheon; at the Steam-Circus and other Sports._
_Sc.r.a.ps of Small-talk._ No end sorry, Lady Gwendolen; been tryin' to get you a scent-squirt everywhere; but they're all gone; such a run on 'em for Ascot, don't you know.... Thanks; it doesn't matter; only dear Lady Buckram has just thrown some red ochre down the back of my neck, and Algy Vere came and shot out a coloured paper thing right in my face, and I shouldn't like to seem uncivil.... Suppose I shall see you at Lady Brabazon's ”Kiss in the Ring” at Bethnal Green to-morrow afternoon?...
I believe she _did_ send us cards, but we promised to look in at a friendly lead the d.u.c.h.ess of Dillwater is giving at such a dear little public she's discovered in Whitechapel, so we may be rather late....
You'll keep a handkerchief-throw for me if you _do_ come on, won't you?... It will have to be an _extra_, then, I'm afraid.... Are you goin' to Lord Balmisyde's eight o'clock breakfast to-morrow? _So_ glad; I hear he's engaged five coffee-stalls, and we're all to stand up and eat saveloys and trotters and thick bread and b.u.t.ter.... Oh, I wanted to ask you, my girls have got an invitation to a hoky-poky party the Vavasours are giving after the moke-ridin' next Thursday, and I'm told it's quite wrong to eat hoky-poky with a spoon--do you know how that is?... The only _correct_ way, Caroline, is to lick it out of the gla.s.s, which requires practice before it can be _attempted_ in public. But I hear there's quite a pleasant boy-professor somewhere in the Mile End Road who teaches it in a single lesson; he's _very_ moderate; his terms are only half a guinea, which includes the hoky-poky. I'll send you his address if I can find it.... Thanks _so_ much; the dear girls _will_ be so grateful to you.... I _do_ think it's _quite_ too bad of Lady Geraldine Grabber, she goes and sticks her card on the only decent wooden horse in the steam-circus and says she's engaged it for the whole time, though she hardly ever takes a round! And so many girls standing out who can ride without getting in the _least_ giddy!... Rathah a boundah, that fellow, if you ask me; I've _seen_ him pullin' a swing boat in brown boots and ridin'-breeches!... How wonderfully well your daughter throws the rings, dear Lady Cornelia, I hear she's won three walking-sticks and five clasp knives.... You're very kind. She is quite clever at it; but then she's had some private coaching from a gipsy, don't you know.... What are you going to do with yourself this afternoon?... Oh, I'm going to the People's Palace to see the finals played off for the Skittles Champions.h.i.+p; bound to be a closish thing; rather excitin', don't you know.... Ah, d.u.c.h.ess, you've been in form to-day, I see, five cocoa-nuts! Can I relieve you of some of them?...
Thanks, they _are_ rather tiresome to carry; if you _could_ find my carriage and tell the footman to keep his eye on them. [_&c._, _&c._]
LADY ROSEHUGH (_to MR. LUKE WALMER, on the way home_). You know I _do_ think it's _such_ a cheering sign of the times, Society getting simpler in its tastes, and sharing the pleasures of the Dear People, and all that; it must tend to bring all cla.s.ses more _together_, don't you know!
MR. LUKE WALMER. Perhaps. Only I was thinking, I don't remember seeing any of the Dear People _about_.
LADY ROSEHUGH. No; somebody was telling me they had taken to playing Polo on bicycles in Hyde Park. So extraordinary of them--such a pity they haven't some higher form of amus.e.m.e.nt, you know!
[Ill.u.s.tration]
AN IDEAL INTERVIEWER.
_Den of Latest Lion._