Vol 1 Chapter 3 (1/2)
Chapter 3: Yuuouji Ouka’s New World
Part 1
“Snore~”
Chocolat of the Amakusa household was once again collapsed in a deep sleep.
“...Sigh, how should I deal with her this time.”
She slept with her mouth gaping wide open, leaving her completely defenseless.
I sighed and walked towards the edge of the bed.
“Hey...don’t do that!”
Just as I was about to reach an arm out to shake her awake, she cried out in a strange, yet somehow strangely arousing manner. Don’t tell me it’s going to be like that last time all over again...
“D-don’t do that, Natsuhiko-san!”
Natsuhiko? That’s one name I’ve never heard of, who could that be? Sounds as if he’s going to violate Chocolat or something...
“Natsuhiko-san, don’t a.s.sault Kanade-san while he’s unconscious, that’s too low!”
So it was me all along!
“Stop, it would be too predictable with Kanade-san as the uke, so of course it won’t be fun!” (TL note: Uke is a term used in yaoi to define the person at the ‘receiving end’...I don’t think i need to explain further.)
Couldn’t she have a better reason to stop him?
“I see...since you’re prepared for that, I don’t have any reason to stop you.”
Stop him already!
“Ah, Kanade-san’s almost awake, just use that chloroform-stained handkerchief of yours to knock him out again.” (TL note: Chloroform is a chemical that induces unconsciousness.
Why the h.e.l.l are you helping Natsuhiko!?
“You’re quite something, Natsuhiko-san, to begin your a.s.sault at a place like that. Ooh, Kanade-san’s hole -”
“Behave yourself already!”
I couldn’t take it any longer, so I slapped her until she awoke.
“Fumyu?”
Chocolat’s eyes were still half-open due to her fatigue, and she surveyed her surroundings nimbly.
“Huh, where’s Natsuhiko-san?”
“Who the h.e.l.l is that!?”
“Nom nom.”
Chocolat immediately filled her mouth with the miso mackerel I had prepared on the breakfast table cheerfully.
“Wasn’t it great that we at least managed to complete Yukihira Furano-san’s mission?”
“Oh, right, yeah I guess.”
“How exactly did you make her laugh in the end? Isn’t she usually the type of person who never smiles?”
“That was obviously because...of my natural comedic abilities.”
I intentionally obscured the subject matter, merely telling her that I succeeded without mentioning all that business with the banana peel, otherwise I would be in for it since she would make fun of me for that for the rest of my days.
“Mm~ so Furano-san enjoys watching people fail at comedy?”
This fellow really has no manners.
“Right, Kanade-san.”
Chocolat asked while peeling a pickled cuc.u.mber.
“I didn’t get the chance to try all forty-eight tickling methods from last night.”
“Ugh...”
This reawakened memories of having b.r.e.a.s.t.s straddling my back as well as a horribly corroding fragrance a.s.saulting my brain, not to mention all the side effects, so that method was definitely extremely dangerous.
“No more...no more tickling from now on.”
“Why not? I originally intended to try everything out tonight again, des.”
“If you do it again, I’ll only give you pinecones as a snack next time.”
“Y-your pinecone hara.s.sment is too much!”
What the heck is that...
“Hmm?”
My cellphone that I had put on the table earlier began ringing, but for some reason I had a bad feeling.
As expected, I received yet another order for a「Curse-Breaking Mission」. The second round really came pretty quick.
Who exactly is in charge of these things? With the previous G.o.d on maternity leave (?), the Flippant G.o.d had said earlier on the phone as well that he isn’t actually sure about this entire affair.
Anyway, there’s no point in thinking about such things for now. If I don’t first look at the details of the mission itself, I’ll never get anything done.
「Get a glance of what Yawakaze Konagi’s panties look like when being worn Deadline May 11th (Sat.u.r.day)」
...What? Wait, what? What exactly is this? No matter how many times I read the message, not a single letter of it changed.
Yawakaze Konagi...it is referring to THAT Yawakaze Konagi, right?
It was a name that anyone studying at Seikou High would have heard of, no matter whether they knew her in person or not.
Yawakaze Konagi is a second-year student currently ranked all the way up at number 3 of the Popular 5 rankings. Putting her naturally cute looks aside, her personality is apparently gentle as well, not to mention that she’s an airhead, which of course essentially makes her the walking personification of every man’s dreams.
She may not have as much personality as the other 4 on that list do, but her feminine cuteness itself is enough to garner popularity among the student population.
In fact, she was so popular that she actually has a group of students following her around like some sort of fan club all the time.
And I’m expected to sneak a peek at her panties...today is the 9th, a Thursday, which means the deadline is the day after tomorrow. Isn’t this a little too unreasonable?
“Kanade-san, is that a new mission?”
I nodded and told Chocolat the details.
“How exactly should I go about doing this?”
Hirano’s mission was hard enough, although making her laugh wasn’t exactly that much of a bad thing.
But for this mission, if a gust of wind would happen to just blow up her skirt with me in the line of sight it would be fine, but what the h.e.l.l are the odds of that?
“Calm down, I’ll help you buy something called「Ten Secrets of Peeking at Women’s Panties」.”
“Wait a second, a book like that doesn’t exactly exist right?”
Also the book that guaranteed to have methods to make anyone laugh was completely useless.
“I even found a book called「Ten Tricks to Prevent Natsuhiko-san from Entering Your Rear Entrance」.”
“Cut it out already! Who is that anyway?”
“He’s a professional gay.”
“Professional?”
“Yes, he’s on a completely different level from a part-time gay like you.”
“Your a.s.sumption is completely wrong in the first place!”
“Huh, don’t tell me you’re a professional as well?”
“That’s nonsense, I’m perfectly normal!”
“I see, which means you’re a cla.s.sic gay then.”
“OF COURSE NOT! I like girls!”
“Oh, so you stick it both ways.”
“To h.e.l.l with all that sticking business!”
Part 2
“Sigh...”
My mood once again fell a few notches as I remembered my task, even though I was already emotionally devastated by being called a gay the first thing in the morning.
“Look at her panties? No matter how you think about it, it’s impossible...wait?”
In the midst of my mumbling, I noticed someone familiar near the entrance to our school dormitories. It was Yukihira.
Since I didn’t know how she would react after what happened on the roof yesterday, I greeted her with a tinge of nervousness.
“...Oh, good morning, Yukihira.”
Yukihira turned around, meeting my gaze, and after a brief silence -
“Good morning, you useless trash with only an attack power of five.”
She was her usual self.
“You sure are energetic first thing in the morning, huh.”
“Good morning, Dodoria-san.”
“Why are you suddenly imitating Frieza...” (TL note: Dodoria is an underling of Frieza in Dragon Ball.)
“I’ll mention this as well, my bounty is fifty-three thousand Beris.” (TL note: Beris/belis/bellies are a currency used in the One Piece universe.)
“I have a feeling we’re in the wrong manga.”
And that bounty would probably only be befitting of a group of mountain bandits.
“From your looks, you don’t seem to know how large of an amount fifty-three thousand Beris is.”
Of course not, who would know with you mixing together all those universes like that.
“With that much money you could buy an entire mountain of empty capsules.”
“Why would you want that much?”
“So we can fill them with water and use them to save Namu’s village.” (TL note: Namu is another character from Dragon Ball.)
“You’ve been reading too much manga!”
Yep, it was definitely the usual Yukihira.
“Right, Amakusa-san, I apologize for showing you my embarra.s.sing side yesterday.”
Yesterday...she must be talking about how I slipped on that banana peel and caused her to laugh. The very subject matter I was trying to avoid was brought up by her instead.
“Since young I’ve been p.r.o.ne to laughing extremely hard easily. Normally this doesn’t happen but once someone manages to tickle my funny bone - especially with an overused punchline - I just explode.”
Her tone was completely calmed, and she didn’t seem to be embarra.s.sed in the slightest.
“I guess this is what they call contrast moe.” (TL note: Contrast moe - if that’s what you call it - is a trait where someone exhibits a personality trait completely opposite from his/her usual behavior and appearing moe in the process, for example where Yukihira’s contrast moe is her laughing which she doesn’t usually do.)
She even personally explained the entire thing, putting whether it was moe or not aside, her current actions were completely different from her usual self -
Wait, contrast?
This term gave me a strange feeling. What was it? It felt like something was creeping about in the dark corners of my mind.
That was probably related to Yukihira using her traditional memory-erasing methods on me when I was still emotionally scarred from stumbling upon those X-rated boy-on-boy scenes. Leaving that aside for now, I seem to have witnessed something with an immense contrast...
“Ah, I remember a little of it now. Yukihira, weren’t you kneeling down on the roof back then?”
“!”
Yukihira’s eyes suddenly shot wide open.
“Right, right, you seemed to have said something weird - eh?”
“...That’s strange, Yukihira?”
When I opened my eyes I saw Yukihira’s head appearing diagonally upwards within my field of vision. Why am I on the floor with my back against the wall? What happened? I felt the back of my head in an attempt to remember the events of the past few moments.
“Ouch!”
I felt a ma.s.sive b.u.mp, what the h.e.l.l had happened earlier? I stood up while ma.s.saging that sore, all the while attempting to regroup my thoughts.
I remembered that Chocolat called my a gay which made me briefly emotionally devastated, after which i went to school where I met Yukihira at the entrance to our school dormitories...what happened after that?
Suddenly Yukihira’s voice cut through my thoughts, and what she said was:
“Good morning, you useless trash with only an attack power of five.”
“You’ve been reading too much manga!”
Our conversation ended just after she mentioned something about Namu and punchlines, but just as I was about to ask her what happened -
“It’s too dangerous for me to say any more...I’ll be on my way first, Amakusa-san.”
As she left behind this mysterious last line, she turned around and rushed upstairs.
“Ah, wait!”
She suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned around.
“Oh right, if you could just stay away from me for this period of time, I’ll be very happy.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you might spray out some weird stuff to make me pregnant.”
“Do you take me as some sort of wild beast!?”
Having spoken her mind, Yukihira disappeared from my sight at the end of the stairway.
Well, I knew that Yukihira has always been an oddball from the very start, but she seemed to be especially weird earlier.
Judging from the situation alone, it seemed that Yukihira had erased my memories once again...unless she said something that she didn’t want me to remember?
“?”
I felt a presence behind me, so I turned around.
It was a girl.
She walked straight towards me, as if she was thinking about something so hard that she was in her own world, not noticing me at all.
It would have probably been fine if I had just dodged a little to the side, but in the very instant that I saw her face and recognized who she was, my brain froze.
With my frozen body, and her state of aloofness, it was a foregone conclusion that we would crash into each other.
With a loud thump, she walked straight into my chest.
“Ouch, ouch...huh? What?”
She finally noticed my presence.
“Ah, I-I-I-I-I-I’m sorry!”
The color of her face instantly turned into a virulent shade of red, and she began retreating in rather exaggerated steps.
“Huh? Aahhhhh!”
She then managed to magically lose her balance on the flat surface of the corridor.
“Woah, be careful!”
She began wobbling from side-to-side.
“Waaaaaah!”
At long last, she collapsed onto the ground.
“Ugh...ouch.”
She actually managed to fall in such a position where her body was on the ground and her b.u.t.t was pointing up to the air. It was the first time I saw such a manga-like scenario happen in real life.
“You are...Yawakaze Konagi, right?”
Undoubtedly, she was the very Yawakaze Konagi who was ranked third among Seiko Academy’s Popular Five.
Which means she is the person whose panties I absolutely must peek at.
“Um, do I...do I have something on my face?”
c.r.a.p, I stared too long.
“Ah, it’s nothing, I was just going to ask you a question. Are you hurt?”
“Oh, no, it’s fine.”
Yawakaze stood up and straightened out her skirt. Her voice was sweet, without any modulations or accents, making it extremely calming to hear.
“I’m sorry for b.u.mping into you. I was thinking about what I want to eat later, so I forgot to pay attention to my surroundings...haha.”
She smiled shyly.
Her body seemed to emanate a gentle aura like a calm breeze, and her smile seemed as if it could calm any heart.
Yawakaze Konagi really lives up to her name. (TL note: This is referring to the Kanji of her name, 柔風小凪. The first two characters, 柔風, mean ‘gentle breeze’, while the last two characters, 小凪 mean ‘calming’.)
“I’m fine, but are you really alright? That fall seemed pretty heavy.”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine, I’m used to this - ah!”
Halfway through her sentence, a loud rumbling came from Yawakaze’s stomach.
Although that sound was rather cute, there was no doubt that it was her stomach growling.
“Ah, this, um...it-it’s nothing, it’s just that I kinda overslept, so I came to school without eating breakfast, so...ah, n-no! That wasn’t my stomach!”
I was going to pretend that I hadn’t heard anything, but since she said it herself, I guess it can’t be helped. Her face was completely red, and she swung her arms about fl.u.s.teredly.
W...what kind of moe creature is this? (TL note: Moe is the typical otaku term for something that is cute.)
I see, so this is the true power of the Popular Five. I realized something else during this first encounter with Yawakaze.
Yes, it was that a cute girl with a normal personality like her could be this cute.
Judging by appearances alone, Yuuouji, Yukihira and Yawakaze are all extreme beauties with hardly any slivers of differences between them, hence any attempt to judge the three would be up to personal preference alone.
Personality-wise, however, is a different story.
Anything that comes out of Yukihira’s mouth is either insults or lame jokes, while Yuuouji is in essence nothing but an immature grade-schooler.
Compared to those two weirdos, Yawakaze Konagi would seem to be an unbelievably pure young girl, even more so that she actually is.
“Oh, what am I still thinking about.”
This isn’t the time to be comparing. I still had the dilemma of peeking at Yawakaze’s panties within the next three days to think about.
“Um, are you Amakusa Kanade-san?”
Having snapped out of her previous embarra.s.sed state, she asked me an unexpected question.
“Huh, yeah, that’s me.”
Considering how famous (for the wrong reasons) I am, there was no surprise that she would know my name and reputation. However, her tone seemed to be implying other things.
“I see. Ouka mentions you a lot.”
“Ouka? Right, you mean Yuuouji. You know her?”
“I don’t just know her, we’re pretty good friends too. We were cla.s.smates in first grade.”
Yawakaze smiled.
“Hmm?”
A strange feeling suddenly came over me. Although this should be the first time I’m getting in close contact with Yawakaze, her smile seemed somewhat familiar.
Do I know anyone like her?If I knew someone with such a dazzling smile, I definitely would not have forgotten that person...nope, I can’t think of anyone.
Forget it, these questions aren’t important, I should be concentrating on the mission at hand.
The fact that Yuuouji and Ouka are friends with each other would be a hugely beneficial piece of information for my mission.
Having a mutual friend would definitely help out in conversations or small talk. This might be the first time that Yuuouji left a positive impact on my life. First the coincidental meeting, then this unexpected discovery should give me a rather large head start. It may be impossible to just talk her into showing me her panties, but I guess it still helps in a way.
Sadly -
“W...what?”
My personal Grim Reaper, the Absolute Choices, bared its fangs and blew out the flickering candle of hope that had just been lit within my heart.
As I read the choices over again and again, the only thought I was able to muster was, **** you, you **** G.o.d.
“Amakusa-san, is something wrong?”
Yawakaze looked at me and asked. Her large and beady eyes were incredibly cute. They were seriously, dangerously cute.
I looked into those eyes and said blatantly to her:
“Cut the c.r.a.p, could you let me see your panties?”
Part 3
“Ouch...dammit.”
My body was still aching even though it was approaching noon.
I could only collapse on my desk and recall the events from earlier.
After I said that line to Yawakaze, a large and burly hand immediately grabbed onto my shoulder.
I didn’t know that person, but the color of his tie told me that he was a third-year. While I was still trying to figure out who he was, that hand was already mercilessly dragging me away from the scene.
In the midst of my confusion, I noticed that i was being dragged into some sort of narrow and dark place. What waited for me there was a group of male students, all emanating an immense murderous intent.
I probably don’t need to elaborate about what happened next.
I’m guessing that was the fabled Yawakaze Guard.
I had previously heard that Yawakaze had a personal troop of followers that operated by a special code of actions, namely that they would watch over each other and prevent any one of them from confessing to her. I figured that it wasn’t like she was some sort of celebrity anyway, so they probably didn’t exist. Sadly, they did.
However, this troupe of hers is independently formed by the students themselves, so they didn’t hold any actual administrative powers within the school.
Normally speaking, they wouldn’t prevent a non-member like me from talking to Yawakaze...unless I perform some major act of s.e.xual hara.s.sment.
「Choose: ① “Cut the c.r.a.p, could you let me see your panties?”
② Take off your underwear on the spot and ask to exchange it with hers (just like footballers do).」
I’m not the kind of “hero” who would pick the latter option. Essentially speaking, Absolute Choices are usually made up of a horrible choice, and another even more horrible choice.
I’m honestly sorry for having to say something like that to her. If someone you didn’t know came up to you and asked to see your underwear, I bet you would feel uncomfortable as well.
“Amacchi, Amacchi.”
Something poked my shoulder from behind, interrupting my train of thought.
“Oh, it’s Yuuouji. I’m thinking about something, so leave me alone for a while.”
I had no time to fool around with her, what’s important now is to figure out how to apologize to Yawakaze about the panties, then ask her once again, more formally this time, to show them to me...I’m contradicting myself.
“What are you underwear-ing about?”
“W-what do you mean?”
Yuuouji’s question shocked me so much that I went into a falsetto.
“In cla.s.s earlier, weren’t you muttering ‘underwear’ throughout the lesson?”
...s.h.i.+t, I let out my thoughts without thinking.
“It’s nothing, but since you were going on and on about it I just wanted to know whether you have any underwear-related troubles.”
Man, I just had to attract the most annoying one of all.
“It’s nothing...nothing to do with you.”
“Haha, there’s no need to be embarra.s.sed. Just let me, the walking Underwear Dictionary share your burden with you.”
You should be the one embarra.s.sed for having a nickname like that.
Isn’t the embarra.s.sed at all despite spouting the word ‘underwear’ at all so many times?
It might be by the same logic as how grade-schoolers would snicker while repeating meaningless words like ‘p.o.o.p’ or ‘pee-pee’, but this young lady over here is in her second year of high school already...forget it, that’s Yuuouji for you.
“Hmm, I bet Amacchi just wants to look at panties, right??”
“Pfft! I-I never said that!”
I spat loudly, having had my mind seemingly read by her.
“Sigh, you let out everything earlier anyway. I was just pretending that I only heard a little in order to mess with you.”
What...did you say? You’re telling me that I forgot someone like you was sitting behind me, but also said everything about Yawakaze without realizing...my subconscious is horrifying.
Since the cat’s out of the bag already anyway, the only thing I can do now is to prevent Yuuouji from letting it loose.
“Yuuouji, please don’t say anything about this to her.”
Asking to see her panties to her face was bad enough, but if she knew that I was muttering about all that even in cla.s.s our relations.h.i.+p would definitely deteriorate to the point of no return.
“Right, I get it, I won’t tell her. Anyway, Amacchi, why would you want to see her panties anyway?”
“That’s what I want to know myself. I’d never met Yawakaze before until today -”
“...Oh~?”
Yuuouji’s lips twisted in a sneer.
“I see~ so Amacchi wants to look at ‘’that’’ Yawakaze Konagi’s panties, huh.”
Huh? Didn’t she say that she had heard everything earlier, so why would she react in this manner...unless!
“Huh, how strange~ I never even asked whose panties it was, but this man over here revealed it himself. How interesting~”
c.r.a.p...I fell for it,hook, line and sinker.
Her tricking me was bad enough, but the fact that she had to imitate that little p.r.i.c.k Odagawa Conan’s voice while doing enough p.i.s.ses me off even more. (TL note: This is referring to the t.i.tular character of the manga series Detective Conan.)
“Since the truth’s out, how about you be honest with me now?”
“No, I don’t want to say anything to someone like you.”
“Hmm, you’re not in the position to be saying things like that, aren’t you? Konacchi’s my good friend, so it would be easy for me to destroy her impression of you, you know?”
Ugh...in an instant, the fact that the two girls knew each other turned from an advantage to a disadvantage.
“Come on, it’s better to suffer now than later, so out with it already.”
It’s practically impossible to dissuade Yuuouji from doing something when her curiosity is aroused. Since things have went this far, it would be better to tell her the truth then find a way to make her shut up rather than lie about it. Of course, I have to gloss over the important parts about the mission and all.
In order to avoid any misunderstandings, I spoke in a solemn manner:
“Yuuouji, due to some unwanted and unchangeable circ.u.mstances, I must peek at Yawakaze’s panties before Sunday,”
“Hoho, to think that you could say something like this with a straight face. Good on you, Amacchi.”
Who was the one that wanted me to do it in the first place?
“Trust me, my reasons are completely legitimate.”
I don’t want anyone to think that I’m some sort of pervert who just wants to think of panties, even if that person is Yuuouji,.
“Mm, so you want to see Konacchi’s panties, but you’re not doing this for your own lecherous needs?”
I nodded. “Looking at Yawakaze’s panties” is but a stepping stone on my quest to rid myself of Absolute Choices and nothing else.
“I see~ which means you, dear sir, wish to look at panties for no conscious reason. That’s deep...in fact it’s so deep that it’s practically philosophical territory now.”
Are you trying to get all those long-gone philosophers to rise up from the grave to come after you with all that nonsense you’re spouting?
“Think for a second, weren’t there some pioneers of Underwear-ism within the ranks of those ancient thinkers?”
“Apologize to Aristotle immediately!”
“Not to mention that many commonplace idioms and proverbs these days have their roots in underwear as well.”
Under Yuuouji’s influence, the conversation was being steered towards rather undesirable areas.
“Um, I can’t think of any.”
“For example, all roads lead to underwear.”
“Nonsense! Unless you’re telling me the capital of Italy has been a pair of underwear all this time!”
“Also,「Boys, be underwear!」...no, it’s「wear underwear」.” (TL note: This is a parody of William S. Clarke’s famous quote: Boys, be ambitious!)
“I’m pretty sure that’s not the only mistake!”
“Et underwear, Brutus!” (TL note: This is a parody of Julius Caesar’s alleged last words as he was stabbed to death while exiting the Senate. Upon seeing that his adopted son and confidante Brutus was one of his a.s.sailants, he cried out “Toi aussi, Brutus!”, meaning “You too, Brutus!”)(!))
“Leave Brutus alone!”
“I am a cat, and I have yet no underwear.” (TL note: This is a parody of the opening line of Natsume Souseki’s famous novel, I am a Cat, which reads ‘I am a cat, and I have yet no name.’)
“Cats don’t need underwear!”
“Because you said ‘Hey, this tastes great!’, henceforth July the sixth shall be our Underwear Anniversary.” (TL note: This is a parody of a line from a famous poem by Tawara Machi, Salad Anniversary, which reads ‘Because you said “Hey, this tastes great!”, henceforth July the sixth shall be our Salad Anniversary.’)
“What kind of occasion is that!”
“Heaven does not create underwear above or below another underwear.” (TL note: This is a parody of a famous quote from j.a.panese philosopher f.u.kuzawa Yuichi, “It is said that heaven does not create one man above or below another man.”)
“What are you trying to say!”
“Because I have the ability to look at myself objectively, unlike your underwear!” (TL note: This is a parody of former j.a.panese Prime Minister, Yasuo f.u.kuda’s reb.u.t.tal towards a reporter: “Because I have the ability to look at myself objectively, unlike you.”)
“Of course you can’t!”
Wait...s.h.i.+t, I got distracted again.
“But, why would you want to see Konacchi’s panties? Do you like her or something?”
That’s what I want to ask as well.
“Nope, this has nothing to do with emotions.”
To be honest, I did feel that Yawakaze is extremely cute after our encounter, so if you were to ask me whether I like her I guess I can only agree.
However, it was a different kind of “Like” than what Yuuouji specified, instead it’s more of a liking in the sense of how someone would like a television celebrity.
“So Amacchi’s saying that you don’t care about whether you like her or not, you just want to see a girl’s panties?”
“Uh...I guess.”
“So even if it’s a girl you don’t like, you would pull off her panties and sniff them deeply?”
“I never said that...”
“So you want to grab a girl’s panties, sniff them then breathesmoochsavorlicksmela.s.sfdgg...”
“Stop speaking alien!”
Just as I raised my voice, I heard someone else’s voice coming from behind me.
“Um...I’m sorry for interrupting your pleasant conversation...”
As I turned around, I found our cla.s.s monitor staring back at me. For the record, I’m not feeling pleasant at all, and neither was our conversation.
Never mind that for now. Our monitor who would usually have a bright smile plastered on her face now looked at me in a somewhat fearful yet condescending fas.h.i.+on, I wonder why is that so?
Don’t tell me she overheard our conversation from earlier and she thinks that I’m actually a person who would do things like that...probably so.
“Amakusa-san, someone’s looking for you.”
I followed our monitor’s gaze.