Part 9 (1/2)

An amusing study was conducted on a university campus. An attractive young man and an attractive young woman approached students of the opposite s.e.x and offered to go to bed with them.

Seventy-five percent of the male students approached by the young woman and zero zero percent of the female students approached by the young man accepted the offer (Clark & Hatfield, 1989). percent of the female students approached by the young man accepted the offer (Clark & Hatfield, 1989).

What about women who are as s.e.xually active as men? Interviews with highly s.e.xually active men and women showed that in women, but not in men, the large number of s.e.xual partners was related to emotional vulnerability and anxiety about the partner's willingness to invest in the relations.h.i.+p. This may reflect women's difficulty in 108.

dissociating s.e.xual pleasure from the partner's emotional involvement (Townsend, 1995). In recent years the evolutionary theory has been gaining force and followers. All of the studies mentioned in this section support the claim that physical appearance is more important to men, while status and economic success are more important to women. She loves his success and he loves her beauty, as we see in the famous example in Figure 9.

Evaluation of Evolutionary Theory With the growing popularity of evolutionary theory grew the number of its critics. One of those critics, a biologist, noted the great leap that evolutionary theorists make ”from the seemingly innocent asymmetries between eggs and sperm” to such ”major consequences”

as female fidelity, male promiscuity, women's disproportional contribution to the care of children, and the unequal distribution of labor by gender (Hubbard, 1990). Another critic, this time a primatologist, argues very convincingly that evolutionary theorists'

notion of ”the coy female” persists ”despite the acc.u.mulation of abundant openly available evidence contradicting it.” Why, then, does such a notion persist? The reason is a cultural congruence.

Since the evolutionar y explanations for the compet.i.tiveness and promiscuity of men, and the choosiness, s.e.xual inhibition, and flirtatiousness of women fit many elements in popular culture, ”coyness” became one of the most commonly mentioned attributes of women in the evolutionary literature (Hrdy, 1988).

With regard to gender differences in romantic attraction, evolutionary theory attempts to use the same concepts to explain contradictory behaviors- not only why women are coy, but why they flaunt FIGURE 9. Prince Charles and Princess Diana. Prince Charles and Princess Diana.

their s.e.xuality; not only The apotheosis of the successful man and the beautiful woman.

ON GENDER AND LOVE, STATUS AND BEAUTY.

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why men are promiscuous, but why they emphasize their s.e.xual fidelity. Despite this theoretical flexibility, there are numerous findings that do not fit evolutionary theory. In addition, there are other convincing explanations for the gender differences in romantic attraction and mate selection strategies.

Most of the theories that oppose evolutionary theory offer a social explanation for the gender differences in romantic attraction. While evolutionary theory views romantic love as a cultural means to a biological end (de Munck, 1998), the social theories emphasize the role played by social forces such as social norms and s.e.x-role stereotypes.

GENDER DIFFERENCES IN ROMANTIC ATTRACTION: SOCIAL THEORIES.

The evolutionary explanation of the gender differences in romantic attraction, as well as the psychoa.n.a.lytic explanation that will be discussed later, are based on the a.s.sumption that gender differences in romantic attraction are real. They are both challenged by social explanations that are based on the a.s.sumption that these gender differences are not not real. According to one explanation, gender differences in romantic attraction result from the operation of social forces such as gender-role stereotypes, social roles, social norms, and differences in social power. Socialization toward different gender roles and scripts and different norms for men and women dictate different preferences in a potential mate. real. According to one explanation, gender differences in romantic attraction result from the operation of social forces such as gender-role stereotypes, social roles, social norms, and differences in social power. Socialization toward different gender roles and scripts and different norms for men and women dictate different preferences in a potential mate.

According to another social explanation, based on social construction theory, reality is socially constructed. The similarity between men and women in most things, including romantic attraction, is far greater than the differences. Therefore, individual differences and social differences in romantic attraction should be noted and emphasized more than gender differences.

Here is an example of a study that achieved results similar to those of evolutionary theorists, but was explained by a social theory.

In terms of determining the choice of a romantic partner for both short-term, s.e.xual, and long-term, meaningful, relations.h.i.+ps, men and women rated the importance of physical features, demographic variables, and personal qualities. Findings showed, again, that men placed greater emphasis on the physical appearance of their prospective romantic partners, while women placed greater emphasis on the personal qualities. In the context of a meaningful, long-term relations.h.i.+p, however, both men and women weighed various 110 personal qualities more heavily than physical characteristics. Contrary to the evolutionary explanation of the effect of innate genetic programming, these findings were explained by the effect of s.e.x-role stereotypes and traditional s.e.x roles on the romantic preferences of men and women. Since all of us are influenced by the masculine and feminine stereotypes dominant in our culture, we tend to choose partners who fit those stereotypes (Nevid, 1984).

A review of a large number of studies on the topic led the six researchers who conducted the review to conclude that gender differences in romantic attraction and affiliation resulted from ”a common, perhaps representative, stereotype” (Benton et al., 1983).

Gender-Role Stereotypes And Their Influence On Romantic Attraction On Romantic Attraction Gender-role stereotypes are those rigidly held, oversimplified beliefs that males and females possess distinct psychological traits and characteristics-solely by virtue of their s.e.x. Such overgeneralizations tend to be widely shared in a given culture (Basow, 1992). While the division by s.e.x is one of the most basic cla.s.sifications of every known human society, the division of labor and the behaviors and traits of males and females differ in different societies. Consequently, the a.s.sociations people have for the words ”masculine” and ”feminine”

are characteristic of the society and specific sub-culture in which they live.

What function, if any, do stereotypes serve? And what were they created for? Simply to help us process social information faster. Since we cannot possibly process the endless amount of information we absorb through our senses, we organize that information into different cognitive schemas. A schema schema is a cognitive framework, acquired through experience, which directs the way we process new incoming information. After a schema is created it influences the way new information is absorbed, explained, processed, and remembered. We categorize people according to social schemas. To some of those schemas we belong, to others we do not belong. There are many social groups to which we can belong, groups that are defined by such things as race, religion, nationality, profession, political views, and, of course, gender. A gender schema is a cognitive framework that reflects social beliefs about men and women. s.e.xual schemas influence people's responses to s.e.xual-romantic cues, s.e.xual desire, and romantic attachment (Cyranowski & Andersen, 1998). is a cognitive framework, acquired through experience, which directs the way we process new incoming information. After a schema is created it influences the way new information is absorbed, explained, processed, and remembered. We categorize people according to social schemas. To some of those schemas we belong, to others we do not belong. There are many social groups to which we can belong, groups that are defined by such things as race, religion, nationality, profession, political views, and, of course, gender. A gender schema is a cognitive framework that reflects social beliefs about men and women. s.e.xual schemas influence people's responses to s.e.xual-romantic cues, s.e.xual desire, and romantic attachment (Cyranowski & Andersen, 1998).

To all apparent purposes, there is nothing wrong with stereotypes.

After all, they are nothing more than cognitive schemas that help us ON GENDER AND LOVE, STATUS AND BEAUTY 111.

make sense of the ocean of information threatening to drown us every moment. The problem is that while organizing and processing all this information, we make mistakes. And these mistakes tend to be consistent. One notable example is that we tend to see groups to which we don't belong as more h.o.m.ogeneous than groups to which we do belong. Thus women tend to a.s.sume that men are closer to the masculine stereotype than men really are, and men tend to a.s.sume that women are closer to the feminine stereotype than women really are. In a study that demonstrated this, men and women examined sentences that described masculine and feminine stereotypes, such as, ”Losing a compet.i.tion is depressing” or, ”Taking care of a baby is a way of showing love.” Findings showed that both men and women a.s.sumed that a higher percentage of members of the opposite s.e.x agreed with these stereotypical sentences than the members of the opposite s.e.x actually did (Park & Rothbart, 1982).

By their nature, stereotypes perpetuate themselves and acquire the power of self-fulfilling prophecies. In a study that demonstrated this power, men and women arrived at the laboratory presumably to partic.i.p.ate in a study that explored the influence of communication on decision-making in organizations. Out of sight of each other, they were asked to use a signaling board to negotiate with a co-worker about the division of labor on different tasks. Some of the tasks were stereotypically masculine, for example, repairing an electrical outlet; some were stereotypically feminine, such as decorating a birthday cake; and some were neutral, such as painting a chair. One- third of the men were told that they were negotiating with a man, one-third were told they were negotiating with a woman, and one-third were told nothing.

Findings showed that women who were thought by their partners in the negotiation to be men, chose more masculine tasks, whereas the women who were thought by their partners to be women, chose more feminine tasks. The reason? The women behaved according to the men's expectations. When the men thought they were negotiating with a woman, they chose masculine tasks for themselves and tended to compromise less when a conflict arose. These behaviors caused the women to behave in ways that confirmed the men's expectations.

In other words, the men's expectations, based on gender-role stereotypes, produced behaviors that confirmed these stereotypes (Skrypneck & Snyder, 1982). The different behaviors of the women thought to be men, and the women thought to be women, suggests that these are not innate s.e.x differences that evolved during thousands of years of evolution. Rather, these are differences that result from gender-role stereotypes and self-fulfilling prophecies.

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Gender-role stereotypes are a social product and they define normative behavior. Stereotyped women are perceived as feminine and stereotyped men are viewed as masculine. Since it is important to people to be accepted and popular, they feel pressure to behave according to gender-role stereotypes. At the getting-acquainted stage of a romantic relations.h.i.+p, it is important to make a good impression.

This forces both men and women to behave according to gender-role stereotypes more than they might otherwise behave.

Most people behave according to the appropriate stereotypes, especially when they are expecting to meet an attractive potential mate. This was demonstrated in a cla.s.sic study that involved four groups of women. One group was told that they were going to meet a very attractive, and brilliant, Ivy League student who held conservative views. The second group was told that they were going to meet a very attractive and brilliant, Ivy League student who held liberal views. The third group was told they were going to meet an unattractive and mediocre student who held conservative views at a mediocre university. The fourth group was told they were going to meet an unattractive, and liberal, mediocre student at a mediocre university. The women were asked to describe themselves and were told that their descriptions would be given to the man. These same women had also partic.i.p.ated in a previous, unconnected, study in which they had given detailed descriptions of themselves.

Results showed that the women who thought they were going to meet an attractive, conservative man described themselves as more feminine and less intelligent. The women who thought they were going to meet an attractive, liberal man described themselves as less feminine and more intelligent. The women who thought they were going to meet an unattractive man didn't alter their descriptions of themselves. The changes in self-presentation of the first two groups of women were not related to the women's real views, either conservative or liberal (Zana & Pack, 1975).

In a thirty-year-old study that is still relevant today, eight hundred women were given three questionnaires covering ”self perception,”

”the ideal woman,” and ”the ideal woman as seen by men.”

Comparison of the responses that the women gave to the three questionnaires revealed a small discrepancy between their perceptions of themselves and their perceptions of the ideal woman. However, there were very large differences between their own views of the ideal woman and their a.s.sumptions about the male view of the ideal woman. When men described the ideal woman, their responses were very similar to the women's descriptions of the ideal woman. But there were big differences between the men's descriptions of the ON GENDER AND LOVE, STATUS AND BEAUTY 113.

ideal woman and the women's descriptions of the male's ideal woman. Men's descriptions of the ideal woman were less conservative than the women thought she would be (Steinman & Fox, 1970).

Similar findings emerged when men were asked to describe themselves, the ideal man, and the ideal man as seen by women. In similar fas.h.i.+on, there was a big discrepancy between men's perception of women's ideal man, and women's true ideal. Men thought that women preferred family men. In fact, there was a great similarity in the descriptions of the ideal man by both men and women.

Do Stereotypes Have a Basis in Reality?

Carol Martin believes that the answer is a definite no. Martin (1987) showed that when students are asked about the traits that characterize men and women, they describe the familiar stereotypes. When they are asked to describe themselves, the stereotypes disappear almost altogether. An exercise I do in my cla.s.ses on the psychology of gender shows the same thing. I ask my students to write the traits they a.s.sociate with masculinity and those they a.s.sociate with femininity.

The traits they invariably mention describe s.e.x-role stereotypes.

When I ask them how many of the traits describe themselves, it turns out, to their great surprise, that almost none do.

Other studies also show little basis for stereotypes. When men and women were asked what att.i.tudes and qualities they, personally, and members of their s.e.x value, there was a big similarity in the values of men and women. Both s.e.xes value such traits as honesty, responsibility, and open-mindedness. These are characteristics that are not included in studies of s.e.x-role stereotypes. Nevertheless, when they were asked about the values of the other s.e.x, the stereotypes appeared; women exaggerated the importance that men attribute to achievement, and men exaggerated the importance that women attribute to nurturing. The conclusion, gender differences are far smaller in reality than they appear to be in stereotypes (Unger, 1975).

Here is the paradox. Both men and women play their prescribed s.e.x roles and then complain about the results. Couples are first attracted to each other because each fits the stereotype. She is attracted to him because he is strong, silent, masculine, a.s.sertive, and skilled.

He is attracted to her because she is warm, sensitive, open, and verbal.

Later she will complain that he doesn't talk and he will complain that she's a nag (Tavris, 1992).

Why are people attracted to potential mates who are stereotypically masculine or feminine in light of the evidence that relations.h.i.+ps of men and women in traditional gender roles are far from optimal 114 and are generally worse than those in androgynous roles? One answer that was offered is that the attraction to stereotypes reflects a conflict between what old genetic imprints and past values dispose people to do and what the present culture prescribes, such as more androgynous relations.h.i.+ps (Ickees, 1993).

A recent study in which instrumentality, a masculine trait, and expressiveness, a feminine trait, of potential partners were manipulated, shows that, indeed, both men and women prefer androgynous partners who combine both these traits over s.e.x-typed partners (Green & Kenrick, 1994).

Another study has shown that women were most attracted to ”masculinity with a feminine touch” (Cramer et al., 1993). In this study, young educated women either listened to prerecorded responses or read verbatim transcripts of two men answering questions on topics such as car repairs, career opportunities, and romantic interests. One set of answers was constructed to reflect stereotypically masculine activities and interests; the second set reflected stereotypically masculine and and feminine activities and interests. Findings showed that women rated the androgynous man as more likeable, intelligent, moral, mentally healthy, appropriate, and honest than they rated the masculine man. feminine activities and interests. Findings showed that women rated the androgynous man as more likeable, intelligent, moral, mentally healthy, appropriate, and honest than they rated the masculine man.

Attraction to a stereotypical macho man can be dangerous, because traditional gender roles have been a.s.sociated with s.e.xual aggression.