Chapter 128 - Lost Bff (2/2)

She understood.

The voice told her not to worry and reassured her that hers will come. But after eight years, even that reassurance felt weak. Finally, it came, the child she had wanted, the child they had wanted so much and he returned having done that.

He ruined their lives.

She had been so excited waiting for his return to tell him their good news that she was finally pregnant. She was so excited for them to finally have a family together but then he came back with that.

She could not believe it and tried to deny it, it made no sense. He knew her brothers, knew her family. They loved him and he, she thought loved them back...or at least loved her. When she saw him and he told her that he did it for their own good, that it was better to stamp out the threat before it stamped them out. She realized he had gone mad and she felt mad herself and wildly attacked him while ignoring the voice which was screaming for her to control her anger. She wanted him dead and did not care for anything else at that time. She tried to end him until her sight faded.

Since that day she never heard from it again, she called and called but it never responded. It was the worst time of her life and it was gone. She had almost lost the baby too...and frankly, she did not want it anymore. It being in her made her feel nauseated and sick, it made her hate herself. She hated it and that demon, she wanted them both dead. And she tried to end the demon's spawn and almost killed herself trying.

And in retaliation, the demon made all her people to slaves and then threatened to have every single one of them killed if ever tried to kill herself again. Not that she was trying to die, she could not die until he died, but how could she kill him?

Later on, when she saw Eunuch Li for the first time, she felt a renewed sense of hope that her oldest brother might have survived. A ray of hope in her now bleak life. Only to have that hope dashed. By the time her brother had received the news, the Long army was almost upon them. It was too late.

Too late, so he was dead.

Her brother had ordered Eunuch Li to take his men and head for the mountains and cross into Dong territory, it was a treacherous route but some made it. She was distraught and had questioned why her brother did not follow along, he could have made it too, he was skilled enough. But she was being naive again. If her family was not all dead, that demon would not have been satisfied. Eunuch Li and his men were ordered to protect her and help her safeguard their people. And she got the order to live if she could, to remain at the demon's side if she could to safeguard their people.

But she had already made one mistake. And so she tried, she really tried. She tried to have the child she hated and tried to live with that hateful demon. Her family was gone, her country was gone, her supportive father-in-law was gone and her best friend, her guardian was gone. She was all alone.

Even after having the child, she did not want to look at it. The child she wanted so much, she could not stand now.

It took her a long time before she could even bear being in the same room as the baby, without feeling the urge to strangle him to death. The demon was happy but she was absolutely miserable, miserable but she had to smile. She had to keep him happy so her people could have a way out. But then there were all those flashes of rage which had always ensured their relationship was always tense.

Now she realizes that it may be more than simple flashes of rage. A problem out of her control...and it honestly scared her a bit.

And so she remembered this old friend who knew her best, who always cared for her well being and helped her more than anyone through the first half of her life...She thought it could fix it.

But as it had been for more than twenty years now, it did not respond when she called. She thought of how to reconnect with it. She had even outright poisoned herself to try to get it to respond, it always used to react when she was in trouble. But she stayed there writhing in pain but it still did not come. Therefore, she turned to these so-called enlightened men but only suffered insult after insult.

But still, there was no progress.

The Empress dowager held her forehead and then felt something wet on her palms. She frowned and wiped her tears away, angry and frustrated.

{...I should climb a mountain? What insolence! If I do climb up there, it will be to burn it to the ground!... If you keep ignoring me, I will burn down every temple in existence and every monk I see will die...}