Chapter 149 - The Struggle is Real (1/2)

Lei Xing frowned and looked back down, ”Why are you here?”

”I came looking for you.” The Emperor gently responded.

Lei Xing's frown deepened and she cast a quick glance at him and then looked back down, closed her eyes and shook her head then coldly asked, ”Why?”

”You were in trouble...” The Emperor simply responded. Hearing this seemed to have upset Lei Xing and she whipped her head up, glared at him then angrily barked, ”This is all your fault! If you had just let me leave then I wouldn't be this irritating mess!” As tears rolled down her face

The Emperor felt a pang in his heart and instinctively reached out to wipe the tears, only for Lei Xing to move back and shout, ”Don't touch me!” Then she looked down again, gasping for breath.

The Emperor immediately dropped his hands and looked at her trembling form leaning against the wall and then sighed. He then sat with his back against the wall, sighed again then quietly said, ”You're right...It is my fault. If I had let you go...or left you alone like you always seemed to want but I thought -... Is it so wrong to want just one thing for myself?” He asked with a wry smile at Lei Xing, who was raising her head up a bit and frowning in his direction, he sighed again and then whispered, ”I guess it might be...” Then looked down at his hands, which were balling into fists and frowned.

He had never wanted anything before. Before her, he never thought he would want for anything. He never wanted power, but he needed it. He never wanted the throne, but he needed it. He never wanted to be born, but he needed to be. His needs were all what others needed.

For once, he wanted something just for himself and honestly thought he deserved to have it and was willing to patiently work for it.

{...But even that seems impossible...Perhaps I wanted for too much. She won't even let me touch her even in this state, when she let him...Does this mean something?... If she truly -...}

The Emperor's frown deepened and he clenched his fists even tighter.

{...She doesn't...But if she did truly - If they truly...Could I let her go?... Maybe then at least one of us could live happily...I owe him a happy life...}

While the Emperor was deep in his thoughts, Lei Xing was staring at him. Although her mind was still cloudy she could see the hurt on his face and it made her feel even stranger than she was already feeling. She felt the urge to hug him, but she did not dare to oblige the need.

She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her fists focusing back on her anger to stifle the raging inferno inside her. After a while of the two of them sitting quietly, each battling their own inner demons, Lei Xing groaned and whispered, ”Water.”

The Emperor turned to her, then got up and came back with a cup of water, ”Here.”

Lei Xing slightly opened her eyes and simply squinted at him and did not move, instead, she seemed to further shrink and clenched her fists even tighter. The Emperor lightly sighed and then brought the cup to her lips, ”Drink.”

Lei Xing knit her brows, stared at the cup and then opened her mouth and guzzled the water down. Then she frowned in annoyance and brought her knees up and buried her head in her arms. The water did nothing for her, she was tired, in pain and extremely frustrated. The Emperor went to drop the cup and then came back to the bed and sat on the edge and watched her for a bit and then looked down, he really did not know what to do with her.

”It's not wrong.” Lei Xing suddenly murmured. The Emperor blinked and looked up at her to see her eyes peeking out from under her arms, she was still frowning but still, those words warmed his heart. He showed a small smile and reached for her head like usual and then froze in mid-air, remembering she did not want him to touch her then knit his brows and slowly withdrew his hand.

”Lightly...it's fine.” Lei Xing quietly said glancing up at his hand. The Emperor blinked and then showed a small smile and hesitantly reached for her head as she closed her eyes with a deepening frown. He lightly stroked her hair as he looked at her. He could see that she was struggling but even then...

{...I'm sorry, I can't let you go...I don't want to...}

Other than being in a very bad mood and easily irritable, she seemed to be handling the drug well. She was very different from the picture Doctor Lou's words painted for him, she was definitely not ”attacking” him. The Emperor knit his brows then calmly informed, ”Xing er', your doctor friend said that you will be fine after a few days so just bear with it...”

”How many days?” Lei Xing quietly asked.