Chapter 171 - Nothing (1/2)

Lei Xing blankly stared at him and then looked down at the bowl, at a loss for words and extremely uneasy. She had thought he did not overhear her conversation with Doctor Lou. No, she had hoped he did not.

{...This is all that quack useful doctor's fault! If he would have just nodded when I asked, instead of asking stupid nosy q-...}

Her mind froze when she heard the Emperor sigh, then she knit her brows and lowered her head even further. Then he said another thing that shocked her, ”Why didn't you talk to me about it?”

Lei Xing glanced up at him and then lowered her eyes again, ”I...I didn't want...to upset you.” She awkwardly said and immediately wanted to bash her head against the wall.

{...Why the hell did I say that?! It's the truth though...What other possible reason could I give?! ...But...but...Why the hell is he giving me this? Now too, after all that talking earlier...It's just a bit...I could have sorted it out myself! >_

”I see...” The Emperor calmly said. Lei Xing held her breath and did not look up at his face. She did not believe for one moment that this was the end of this inquiry. And truly it was not, as he proceeded to ask, ”So you planned on taking it secretly?”

{...Yes...No....Shit! Shit! What is the correct answer? I don't like this...}

Lei Xing squirmed in her seat, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. But she thought about it, and could not bring herself to deny it. Not to mention, her first statement was pretty much an admission of truth, and she had no doubt that he knew that. If she denied it, then he'll ask more questions and then they'll play word games and she was not in the mood for word games, and she suspected he was not either.

{...Not after everything we've been through today...At least now I know why he was upset...But then he brought the medication to me...He was upset but then he brought it... He's confusing me again...}

Lei Xing knit her brows and then looked up at him, ”This is why you were upset this morning, wasn't it?...at Doctor Lou's and in the carriage.” She would rather he let out his anger on the issue, him being so accommodating was uncomfortable and...it made her feel horrible.

The Emperor knit his brows as well and then faced her, ”If I seemed upset...It was because you could comfortably discuss something so important with a stranger and not with me...I asked you and you still said nothing. Am so unreliable to you tha-”

”No, no, that's not it...it's just...” Lei Xing quickly jumped to protest without thinking. It was not that, it really was not. But then she had nothing to say after debunking that thought. She frowned and inwardly groaned.

{...This is why I couldn't just tell you, this conversation couldn't possibly be good...Look at it! T_T)...}

”It's just what?” The Emperor asked narrowing his eyes at her, feeling the anger and disappointment he had been feeling all morning surging back up. He took a deep breath to calm himself and then said in a cold voice, ”I'm listening.”

He had not intended to sound cold, only meant to control his emotions. But Lei Xing heard and felt the chill in his voice. She hesitated and did not know how to answer, but as she sat there under his microscopic gaze, she started to feel angry, at everything but at nothing in particular.

{...You know what? Screw it!...}

Lei Xing braced herself and blurted out, ”I don't want to have children!” as she looked the Emperor directly in the face with a resolute and firm gaze. She was confident he would not kill her, she knew that much. As for what he would do, she did not know. But he did just say a few moments ago, right in that room that he would never hurt her, and she believed him. He would never hurt... physically.

The Emperor blankly stared at her, then blinked a few times and then frowned in disbelief and confusion, then said rather than asked, ”You don't want children.” Lei Xing resolutely nodded.

The Emperor faced forward, still in disbelief, no matter how much he had thought about this scenario, the prospect of her saying she did not want children did not cross his mind. He was not sure how to process this information. In the space of a few hours, he had gone through so many emotions, it was dizzying.

He woke up this morning alone but was ecstatic and eager to find her, to hold her...He thought they had finally overcome the wall between them, but now this... He felt like his life was slipping out from his hands. Happiness seemed to always elude him.

”Why?” The Emperor asked as he turned back to Lei Xing, with a completely defeated expression on his face. Lei Xing's gaze faltered and she lowered her eyes. Then she thought about it, straightened her back and looked at him and firmly said, ”I don't want to.”