Chapter 4: The Necromancer and the Bard – translated by Julyflurry (1/2)

In an extremely romantic European-styled garden, an angelic and devastatingly handsome elf sat beside a beautiful, rose-like girl. Together, they formed the flawless image of a fairy-tale prince and princess and the only word to describe them was “perfection”. Unfortunately, the image was marred by an ugly wolfman seated together with them. All the players nearby shook their heads, feeling as though they had ordered a bowl of za cui noodles,1 only to find out that the delicious pig’s intestines had not been cleaned properly and still contained some feces.

Putting on a charming smile, the corners of my mouth lifted up as I carefully examined the white menu in my hands. Having made up my mind, I lifted my head, ignoring the mesmerized gaze the other players were giving me as I turned to an equally enraptured waitress. In an incomparably gentle voice, I said, “Miss, a bowl of soy milk and five you tiao2 please.”

Blinking her eyes enchantingly, Lolidragon said lightly, “Prince, you really know how to ruin the mood; what’s with the soy milk and you tiao?” The players around us nodded in agreement.

“At least have some sesame cake! Miss, get me two bowls of soy milk and ten sesame cakes,” Lolidragon said.

Just then, Wolf-dàgē3 added in his bestial voice, “Little sister, also add a cup of Italian espresso, Caesar salad, and a roast…”

After finishing her soybean milk, Lolidragon wiped her mouth daintily and spoke. “Prince, I think we should hurry and find more teammates!”

“What’s the rush? We have Wolf-dàgē to heal us, so we won’t have trouble gaining experience. We can slowly gather other teammates!” I swallowed a mouthful of you tiao, slowly answering the question.

“No, experience has nothing to do with why I want more teammates.”

“Then?” I asked. Why else would we need teammates other than leveling up?

Lolidragon heaved a deep sigh. “‘The way is mine to clear and the tree is mine to cut; for you to pass through here… With. The. Hottie. You. Must. Part.’”

“Did you have to rub salt in my wounds?” That damn Lolidragon! I… I’m so pissed!

Lolidragon snickered. “Wounds are meant for rubbing salt in… Prince, the point is that we managed to scare off Fairsky this time, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be others who will try to snatch you from me. The next time, I might not be able to protect your virtue… That’s why – for your pretty little face, for your virtue, for our glorious monster-fighting honeymoon trip – we need to build up our combat strength quickly. That’s why comrades are the most important assets in our battle to protect your virtue.”

“….” I was rendered speechless. Lolidragon really knows how to scare people, I thought, But she’s usually right. Will I really be offering up my virtue to my fellow females? Could this be considered lesbianism?

Lolidragon thought carefully. “I think we should get a mage and, after that, an archer. That should complete our party.”

At this moment, Wolf-dàgē spoke. From what Lolidragon and I had gathered of Wolf-dàgē, he only opened his mouth when we were discussing something important. Therefore, he rarely spoke.

“Finding any mage is easy, but it will be difficult to find a mage that suits us. Some mages specialize in area spells good for handling a number of mobs at a time. Others prefer to focus their attacks so that they have stronger spells, but they can only take on one mob at a time this way. There are mages who choose to spam weak but fast attacks, as well as mages who prefer all-or-nothing bursts of magic. The type of elemental magic also plays an important role, so we’ll have to find a mage depending on what types of mobs you want to fight…”

Amazing! Both Lolidragon and I turned starry-eyed, staring at Wolf-dàgē in awe. It’s amazing how much theory there is behind finding a mage…

“You are amazing, Wolf-dàgē. You know so much…”

Wolf-dàgē gave us an embarrassed smile. “It’s nothing really. I wanted to be a mage before, that’s why I researched the class.”

A two–meter–tall mage? I smiled numbly at the thought.

“Then why didn’t you become one?” Lolidragon also had a slightly stunned smile, but she thought, a two–meter–tall mage was at least slightly less strange than a two–meter–tall priest…

Wolf-dàgē heaved a deep sigh. “Err…!”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.” Wolf-dàgē probably has his reasons… Rubbing salt on other people’s wounds was Lolidragon’s specialty, not mine – although I was also rather curious.

“It’s not really a big deal.” With a plaintive expression, Wolf-dàgē stood up and turned around to gaze at the faraway horizon, the very picture of dejection. Just what could have happened that led Wolf-dàgē to give up his dream of being a mage?

Wolf-dàgē’s expression darkened. “Actually, the reason was because… There were too many people lining up outside of the mages’ temple, so I went to the empty priests’ temple instead.”

My foot sent the skeleton warrior’s skull flying and with a spin kick, I broke the skeleton’s backbone. There was a loud “crack” as the skeleton turned into a pile of bones. Behind me, Lolidragon was busy gathering bones – I’m not joking. Since half a kilo of bone dust is worth ten silver coins, this is definitely not a laughing matter!

Before I forget to explain, the reason we’re here is because Wolf-dàgē said he wanted to see our combat technique before trying to find compatible teammates. That’s how we ended up in this eerie forest full of skeletons, using our craziest techniques to show Wolf-dàgē what we were made of.

Wolf-dàgē stared at me in disbelief. “Your taekwondo posture is incorrect. Come! Let Dàgē teach you.”

Wolf-dàgē then sent three skeletons flying in one with just one kick… Are you really a priest?

“Ahaha! I was leveling alone before, so I gained some strength… Here, come, let me buff you with Song of Battle, Fleet-footedness, and Impenetrable Wall.”

After receiving a huge boost in strength, agility, and defense, I finally understood the benefit of having a priest. As I darted through the midst of a bunch of skeletons, I was reminded of the last time Lolidragon and I were fighting low-leveled skeletons in the cave at the newbie’s village…

“Lolidragon, are you sure we can fight against skeletons?” I stared at the dark, creepy cave, feeling myself break out in goosebumps.

Just thinking about the skeleton’s white frames in the school clinic left me feeling scared… And, more importantly, skeletons didn’t drool, so what was I going to rely on to go on a rampage?

Lolidragon too, gulped nervously and said, “We…should…be able to…”

We forced ourselves to enter the cave. Lolidragon! Go and check things out up ahead… What? What do you mean, ‘no’?! Are you really a thief?

Since it couldn’t be helped, I had to light up a torch and walk ahead with Lolidragon hiding behind me. Suddenly, we heard the sound of bones grating up ahead. My face turned pale. I turned to Lolidragon, hoping to find some comfort in her presence, only to see that her face had turned green.

“Ahh….” Lolidragon suddenly let out a squeak, her forefinger shakily pointing in front of her.

I turned to discover that three white skeletons had suddenly appeared, but to my surprise I realized that I wasn’t really afraid. As I looked left and right, I kept thinking that those three skeletons looked like the sparerib soup that my brother and I had eaten yesterday. I raised my Black Dao and approached the skeletons cautiously…

Lolidragon:

I stared at Prince, who was fearlessly approaching the group of skeletons and thought, Looks like she’s becoming manlier! Not bad, not bad; a handsome face cannot have a spineless personality.

Suddenly, something white fell on my shoulder. Timidly, I peeked at my left shoulder to see what had fallen. Ahhh! A skeleton’s hand! I tried to shake it off, but it was clutching onto my shoulder tightly. I’m scared!

Scared to the limit of my endurance, I finally understood what Prince meant when he was talking about hating the taste of saliva… I’m furious, furious! I’m so furious! Stupid skeleton, don’t you know you can’t just grab onto the shoulder of a fair maiden?

I reached out, grabbed the elbow joint of the skeleton, twisted it forcefully…and found that there was only a skeleton’s arm left in my hand. Uwah! I hurriedly threw it aside, but the stupid skeleton decided to use its other hand to grab me.

I immediately repeated my earlier movement… And then I lost control. Seeing the white bones in front of me, I dismantled them the moment I reached out my hand, destroying bone after bone…

I regained consciousness after sometime, and the first thing I saw was Prince staring at me in disbelief and the ground littered with bones. The system notice stated that I had just learned a new skill: Dismantle Bones.

As the saying goes, “Saliva for Prince, skeletons for me.” – Lolidragon.

“Help… Nooooo!” A sharp, shrill scream snapped me out of my stupor. At first, I thought it was Lolidragon going wild again, but when I turned around, Lolidragon was sitting on the ground, crushing bones into bone dust with a blank look still on her face.

“Prince, the voice came from there,” Wolf-dàgē said as he pointed towards the direction of the sound.

Lolidragon, Wolf-dàgē, and I quickly ran in that direction and saw a very cute girl of the angel race, with her hair tied in two buns, covering her face as she dashed toward us, sobbing.

“Flaming Skeletons…” Wolf-dàgē’s expression became grave.

Watching the fiery skeletons pursue the pretty little girl, my expression was no less grave than his. If I get burned, it’ll really hurt!

It couldn’t be helped however, as the bun-haired girl was already rushing toward us. I could only raise my sword to ward off the mobs, reminding myself not to give in to the impulse to pull some crazy stunts. From my cooking experiences, I knew better than anyone just how painful burns could be…

“Nine-headed Dragon Strike!” Nine blades of flame shot out, rapidly striking at nine different spots on the skeletons. Ah! These Flaming Skeletons are incredible; even players and the skeleton boss from the newbie’s village couldn’t handle this technique, but for these skeletons to actually stand their ground against it…

I felt a growing sense of defeat. I retreated, drank a mana potion, and executed yet another Nine-headed Dragon Strike. Still not dead? Furious, mana potion, Nine-headed Dragon Strike, mana potion, Nine-headed Dragon Strike! I panted heavily. Such powerful skeletons! To still be alive even after so many Nine-headed Dragon Strikes…

“Prince, if you continue to use fire-based attacks against these Flaming Skeletons, then I’m afraid you’ll be fighting until Second Life closes down,” Wolf-dàgē couldn’t help but remark. His words were accompanied by the sound of Lolidragon’s snickers.

“…A mistake, a mistake!” Embarrassed, I extinguished the flames on my blade and simply used the “Ten” Strike instead. This time, the Flaming Skeletons scattered into pieces onto the ground.

…That’s a false accusation; when did I do that?

Wolf-dàgē’s and Lolidragon’s expressions changed from mirth to alarm and they came over to stand beside me cautiously. Shielding the bun-haired girl by standing in front of her, a bunch of questions burst from Lolidragon’s mouth. “Little girl, how many people summoned those Flaming Skeletons? How did you manage to offend them?”

The girl shyly replied, “I did not offend anyone.”

“Then why were the player Doll’s Flaming Skeletons chasing after you?” I asked suspiciously.

“They were my skeletons…”

What? Did I hear correctly? The three of us exchanged a flabbergasted look, but Lolidragon forced her voice to remain calm. “You are ‘Doll’?”

“Yes…”

“You summoned those skeletons?”

“Yes…”

“You are a necromancer?”

“Yes…”

“You are of the angel race?”

“That’s right!”

“Then why were you running and even shouting for help?” I was slightly pissed.

Doll said tearfully, “Because this is my first time summoning those scary skeletons! They actually had fire, how frightening! Doll just kept on running, but those skeletons kept on chasing me, waaaaah!”

The corners of Lolidragon’s mouth twitched. “You summoned them, so of course they would follow you! Why be a necromancer if you are scared of skeletons? Besides, you’re from the angel race…”

The cowering Doll suddenly raised her head and lifted her chin. “Necromancers are not evil. Their real job is to discover the true meaning of death and unveil death’s mystery. Besides, a necromancer’s real forte is medicine; no one is more familiar with the body than a necromancer!”

“Little girl, it seems like you’ve memorized The Eye of the Soul4 quite well!” Lolidragon said coldly.

Ah, no wonder those words sounded familiar; they came from the novel The Eye of the Soul.

After Doll heard this, she stamped her feet on the ground angrily and said, “I am different from the necromancer in The Eye of the Soul! I am…ahem! Ahem!” She suddenly cleared her throat, lifted her wand, and twirled around while reciting, “For love and justice! I am the pretty necromancer, Doll! Evil, beware! In the place of the skeletons, Doll will punish you!”5

As she finished, one foot touched the ground while the other was lifted up playfully and both of her forefingers were pointing at her dimples.

Both Lolidragon and I could say nothing in response, but Wolf-dàgē asked, “Little sister, what level are you?”

While still maintaining that extremely difficult pose, Doll replied, “No one’s applauding, so I’m not saying!”

Clap, clap, clap… No choice; we had to start clapping.

“Hehe, I am level thirty! Amazing, right?” Doll said proudly as she reverted to a more normal stance.

At this point, I should mention that Wolf-dàgē is level thirty-six, one level higher than me.

“Level thirty.” Wolf-dàgē considered, then asked, “Doll, what abilities have you learned? How many skeletons can you summon?”

Doll tilted her head and with an adorable expression recited, “Slumbering skeletons of the dead in the dark and remote depths of the world, abandon your slumber and answer my call, the call of the necromancer, Doll!”

As soon as she finished chanting, the ground began to shake and many skeletal hands began to pop out of the ground like bean sprouts…

“Prince, there’s a skeleton grabbing my foot,” Lolidragon trembled.

Oh no, if Lolidragon gets touched by the skeletons, then…!

“Aaaaaah!” Lolidragon let out a piercing scream and reached out to grab the offending skeleton’s hand. She actually pulled the skeleton completely out of the ground, as though she were pulling out a radish. Then, using her Dismantle Bones ability, she tore the skeleton apart. After she finished, she moved on to tear apart another and another and another…

Lolidragon, what are you doing, harvesting? Forget it, I thought. Despite my words, I immediately began to pick up bone after bone – half a kilo of bone dust is worth ten silver coins and the last time Lolidragon went on a rampage, we gained a total of ten gold coins. Looks like this time we can eat at a restaurant!

“Prince… Player-summoned skeletons will automatically disappear, you cannot sell them.” Wolf-dàgē’s voice drifted into my ears.

Wh-wh-what?! Why can’t we sell them? I watched sorrowfully as the gold in my hands disappeared.

To one side, Doll watched as her skeletons were turned into a pile of bones. Awestruck, she exclaimed, “My idol! Could I inquire as to that big sister’s name?” she asked me, her eyes glittering with reverence.

“…Lolidragon.”

“Lolidragon-jiějie6 is so powerful, to know every joint on the skeleton and twist it so that every bone in the skeleton’s body breaks! That lack of hesitation and methodical execution is amazing! Lolidragon-jiějie definitely has a profound understanding of the souls of the dead. I must learn from her,” Doll said, looking entranced as she watched Lolidragon dismantle the arm of a skeleton.

I watched speechlessly as Lolidragon, who apparently had a profound understanding of the souls of the dead, used her strength to dismantle bone after bone. I was a little worried, since at this rate her infamy might soon earn her a spot on the hall of shame…

“One, two…four…eight…” Wolf-dàgē began counting the number of skeletons no more slowly than Lolidragon was pulling skeletons out from the ground. “That’s a total of eight low-leveled skeletons! That’s not bad at all. How many flaming skeletons can you raise, Doll?”

Doll, who had been looking at Lolidragon with reverence, began to chant automatically, “Skeletons of the vengeful dead, cloaked in the raging flames from the depths of hell, answer my call, the call of the necromancer, Doll!”

Four flame-enveloped bean sprouts popped out off the ground. I immediately dashed toward them, ashen-faced, deeply worried that Lolidragon might—

“Ahhhhh!”

…Looks like I’m too late. Lolidragon’s already clutching her hand and whimpering tearfully.

Before I could reach Lolidragon, however, a figure faster than me had already charged over. “Lolidragon-jiějie, are you okay?! Waaah! Doll didn’t mean for big sister to get hurt.” As she finished speaking, Doll began to cry, wailing loudly. Lolidragon stared at her in bewilderment for a moment and then looked at me.

I scratched my face. “Doll says she idolizes you, as you have a profound understanding of the souls of the dead.”

“…”

“Prince, I think we should ask Doll to become a member of our party,” said Wolf-dàgē. Seeing Lolidragon’s expression, he added, “Doll’s ability to summon the dead is quite impressive. Right now, Prince is our only warrior. No matter how strong he is, he cannot go on the offense and protect a priest and a mage at the same time, so a necromancer with a number of skeleton minions would be quite suitable for our group.”

I stared at him, incredulous. Our priest actually needs protection?

Doll began to act all cutesy. “Oh goody! I want to follow Lolidragon-jiějie.”

A chill ran down Lolidragon’s spine.

I had no opinion on the matter and thus our party – with two votes for, one against, and one abstained – gained a new member. In addition to a handsome, transgendered elf warrior, a beautiful elf thief (who always refused to scout ahead), and a two-meter-tall wolfman priest (able to send three skeletons flying with one kick) – our team now included an angel necromancer of love and justice who feared skeletons…

Truth be told, shouting “DIE!” at the skeletons one moment and fighting alongside them the next leaves me with an indescribably weird feeling. At least I’m slightly better than Lolidragon; she keeps huddling behind Wolf-dàgē’s broad back. Only when she becomes embarrassed of having leeched too many experience points does she occasionally stick her head out and throw a hidden blade…

God damn it, Lolidragon! Aim carefully before you throw! As two throwing knives whizzed by, scraping the side of my head, I was started to feel the urge to beat someone up.

Do you guys miss Meatbun? I had actually wanted to take Meatbun out for some throwing practice so that it could level up, but the moment I took Meatbun out, Doll squealed about how cute it was and snatched it away.

See! Doll is still over there playing with Meatbun, tossing it up and down… Wait a second! Why is Doll holding a bone in her hand? And why is Wolf-dàgē beside her, looking as though he is coaching her in something?

Also, why does Doll’s posture seem to suggest that she’s playing baseball?

Before I could utter a word, the baseball – Meatbun, that is – had already been sent flying with a hit from the bone.

“Right, your batting posture is pretty good,” Wolf-dàgē said approvingly.

My jaw fell open. I could only look on helplessly as my poor Meatbun was sent flying again, hooting happily as it went. It first struck the skeleton standing next to me (which had been summoned by Doll), before rebounding and hitting a second skeleton, then rebounding back to the first, then the second, the first, the second…

My head swiveled left and right continuously as I watched my innocent Meatbun bounce back and forth between the two skeletons.

With a “bam!” and a “bonk!”, two innocent skeletons announced their departure from the world of the living.

I seized Meatbun as it flew back to me. I looked once at Meatbun, and then at the two-headed giant I was fighting, the corners of my mouth lifting into a cold smile.

“Meatbun, use Double Kill.” I tossed Meatbun at the mob with a savage throw, but it just bounced once before returning to my hand. That left me in deep trouble for the giant began charging at me, and I ended up having to hack the two-headed giant to death. Wolf-dàgē even had to heal me once.

Finally, I can take a look at the skill’s description…

A stick-like object! I looked everywhere, at first wanting to borrow a bone stick from Doll. After some thought, I realized the bone would only last for a little while before disappearing. Instead, I took the sheath of my sword and – with a swing – sent Meatbun flying.

“Meatbun, Double Kill.”

This time, Meatbun struck a two-headed giant with impeccable precision and destroyed half of its HP. Then I rushed forward and, using Continuous Attack, kicked the two-headed giant until it fell. The other, surrounded by Doll’s Flaming Skeletons, fell as I dealt it a final blow.

I then lent my sheath to Wolf-dàgē so he could use it as a bat. Doll stood beside Wolf-dàgē, tossing Meatbun to him so he could hit it. We waited until after Meatbun had destroyed half of the mob’s HP before the Flaming Skeletons and I finished it off.

What a perfect way to level up!

In the next few days we perfected a new method: I would use Meatbun’s Aroma Release to attract many mobs after Wolf-dàgē buffed Lolidragon up. Next, using sneak attacks, Lolidragon would get every single mob to focus its attention on her and begin running like mad around us. Doll would then toss Meatbun so Wolf-dàgē could hit Meatbun out; this way, two mobs would be lured out with their HP already reduced to half. Then, the Flaming Skeletons and I would go forth to finish them off.

By repeatedly attracting mobs, throwing the “ball”, striking out, and then killing the mobs, we managed to take down enemies ranging from the level thirty-five two-headed giants to the level forty gorgons. We all earned experience points at an insanely fast rate, having been promoted three levels each on average. Fighting in a team really is a great way to train, I thought.