Chapter 5: Sworn Enemies – translated by Erialis (1/2)

I hacked, I slashed, I chopped N number of times. I furiously vented all my frustration on the mobs, even as I thought to myself, What the hell! Not only did Lolidragon abandon me, even Wolf-dàgē turned his back on me, and Doll! Actually saying stuff about how it was more fun with more people…!

Damn Gui, stupid Gui, stinking Gui! Gazing at me with that perverted look from day to night! My back feels as if a hole’s about to be burnt through it!

I turned around and glared savagely at that damn homo.

Unbelievably enough, Gui, seeing that I had turned about and was glaring at him, actually started waving at me enthusiastically, and…

And even blowing me a kiss! I’m dodging it! I hurriedly turned away and went back to fighting mobs, so as to avoid receiving any more of those blown kisses with Gui’s questionable intentions.

“Sigh! His noble and beautiful Highness really is shy,” Gui said, looking at Prince – who was looking for more mobs to vent his frustration on – with an infatuated expression on his handsome face.

…Are you sure that he’s SHY!? thought the others.

After finishing off the last mob that Lolidragon had lured over, the two of us received a PM from Wolf-dàgē. We rejoined the others and listened quietly as Wolf-dàgē gave us a briefing.

“I think that with our party’s current make-up – a level forty priest, a level forty warrior, a level thirty-nine thief, a level thirty-seven necromancer, and a level forty bard – we should be able to train in areas with even tougher mobs,” Wolf-dàgē said critically. “I believe that Raging Dragons’ Valley will suit our purpose nicely. There, we’ll be able to find small dragons that deal different types of elemental damage. There are also high-level magical beasts. Those mobs yield quite a lot of experience and frequently drop rare items, which in turn would greatly boost our overall combat strength.

“In addition, the Adventurers’ Guild offers quests that require players to collect dragon hide, dragon bones, and dragon tendons. Rewards include an increase in reputation, money, and even extra experience points.

“But all of that is pretty inconsequential. The most important thing is…” Wolf-dàgē’s expression became grave.

“Is…what?” we asked, and each of us gulped nervously.

“I’ve heard that dragon XXs work wonders…”

“Wolf-dàgē…?” I could hardly believe my ears, hearing the straight-laced Wolf-dàgē saying something like that.

“…And can be sold for one gold apiece.”

“Right then! Let’s go kill some dragons!” Burning with enthusiasm, I gave an experimental swing of my blade, my eyes having turned into money signs.

We decided to head over to the Adventurers’ Guild first to register our party and to take on all the dragon-related quests. It was at this point, however, that we encountered a huge problem…

“For our party’s name, I think we should go with ‘Dragon Slayers’. It sounds more impressive,” said Wolf-dàgē.

“That’s no good, it sounds too coarse. ‘Wild Roses Team’ sounds better.” Lolidragon became engrossed in a fantasy of wild roses…

Doll exclaimed with excitement, “Let’s call ourselves ‘Sailor Team!’”

…I was suddenly confronted with the image of Wolf-dàgē proclaiming himself to be from Sailor Team…

“We should be called ‘Noble Prince Team’.”

I struck out with my right fist, squarely hitting the frail-bodied bard and sending him to the ground. He lay there with stars circling about his head.

“How about, ‘The Legend of Wild Wolf Team’?” Wolf-dàgē asked, his brow creased with thought.

“Nah, ‘Alluringly Aromatic Herbs Team’!” Lolidragon wasn’t about to give up.

“‘Love and Justice Fight-e-rs!’” Doll hollered.

“‘The Wildcats’…”

“‘The Lilies’…”

“‘Cute Doll Team’…”

Watching the three of them as they argued, I scratched my face and muttered, “Looks like the only thing we can be called is ‘weird’…”

All three of them instantly turned to stare at me. In unison, they demanded, “What did you just say?”

A bit of sweat ran down the back of my neck. “I…”

In the end, we decided on a name for our party – Odd Squad.1 It may seem like a nonsensical name at first glance, but it actually does make sense if you read it as ‘Fēi, Cháng Duì’ and not ‘Fēi Cháng, Duì’.2

Upon reaching Raging Dragons’ Valley, we spent some time observing the speed of the small dragons. After noting that they were quite a bit slower than Lolidragon, especially with Gui’s speed debuff3 on them, it was decided that we would employ the usual strategy to fight them.

“Meatbun, Aroma Release.” I absolutely adore this ability of Meatbun’s. There’s just no knowing how much time we’ve managed to save on looking for mobs. And its range has increased to 250 meters!

After a while, the earth began to tremble beneath our feet. A cloud of dust could be seen rising in the distance, as though something was stampeding towards us… All of a sudden, we found ourselves looking at an extremely bizarre picture: Dozens of dragons, each one approximately three meters tall, surrounding a single meat bun. That’s odd; I don’t think anybody’s ever told me that dragons love to eat meat buns.

My eyes widened. “L-Lolidragon, can you handle it? It sort of looks like…there are way too many mobs!”

Looking somewhat taken aback, Lolidragon swallowed…and then promptly burst out laughing. “Don’t worry! I swear, on the reputation of the world’s greatest thief, that I can handle it.”

The world’s greatest thief? What use is there in swearing on somebody else’s reputation?

“Doll, summon your Flame-armored Skeletons. Gui, use your Sheng-ge Entrancement Technique and have your Supersonic Soul-chasing Arrow at the ready, just in case. Also, use your Flurry of Musical Notes4 whenever you can, to help Prince out. Prince… Draw your sword and give me the sheath,” Wolf-dàgē instructed, even as he buffed Lolidragon and I.

All was ready. “Be careful, Lolidragon.”

We sent Lolidragon off with expressions that seemed to say, “The hero leaves and will never return!” Ah, the piercing winds…5

I watched as Lolidragon crept up on one of the dragons noiselessly and then, as though in defiance of Death, viciously stabbed the dragon in the butt.

Here I should mention that the reason why Lolidragon stabbed the dragon in the butt was because she was so short that the highest she could reach was the dragon’s behind. It had absolutely nothing to do with her personal preferences.

Then Lolidragon began to sprint frantically, her speed faster than ever before.

“Wow, she’s so fast that she’s practically flying,” I remarked, sighing in admiration. Lolidragon was so quick that by the time Wolf-dàgē brought Meatbun back, he was completely out of range and unable to land an attack using Double Kill.

“Supersonic Soul-chasing Arrow.” Strumming his guqin, Gui fired two consecutive arrows. He lured two dragons back before continuing to play his Sheng-ge Entrancement Technique.

Charging alongside the Flame-armored Skeletons, I proceeded to engage one of the dragons while the skeletons held the others off.

As I fought, I kept a lookout for any signs of weakness in my opponent. Although it initially appeared as though the dragon had no weak point, I soon realized that despite their strong attack power, heavy defense, and considerable speed, dragons had one major shortcoming. That was…their paws were too short.

As the dragon could rarely attack me with its paws, I needed only to watch out for its tail, and dodge whenever it lunged toward me. That way I could slowly whittle away at its health. Even if I took a couple of blows, Wolf-dàgē would be there to heal me, so there wasn’t anything to be afraid of.

Doll was having a bit more trouble with her Flame-armored Skeletons. As the Flame-armored Skeletons had no intelligence to speak of, their skill at dodging and evading was certainly below mine, and so they took quite a number of hits. Luckily for us, they were Rank 4 minions with high defense and health, as well as strong attack power. Thus, they were able to get by with Doll’s Black Restoration Spell.

In addition, there was Wolf-dàgē’s ranged attack and Meatbun’s Double Kill, which lowered the dragons’ health considerably…

Fine! Gui also frequently used Flurry of Musical Notes to help me out, so he wasn’t completely useless…

At long last, the dragon before me collapsed. I rejoiced, Dragon XXs are worth one gold apiece…wahahaha! Before Gui lured back yet another dragon, I decided to take the opportunity to satisfy my curiosity by checking to see if dragon XXs looked anything like a gold coin.

…It’s not there! It’s not there! Why isn’t there a XX on this dragon? Oh, my gold coin, where are you?

“Wolf-dàgē, why isn’t there a XX on this dragon? You said they had…” I asked Wolf-dàgē in a pitiful tone.

“Prince, you really…” You really want to eat it? Seriously, at least don’t be so obvious about it! Wolf thought as he examined the dragon’s corpse. “Prince, this is a female, so it doesn’t have one.” Wolf-dàgē gave me a pat on the back. “Don’t worry; we’ll definitely give you any that we come across.”

That’s right, look at how scrawny Prince is. We really should give him a tonic… Besides, that aspect of a man’s life is very important – mustn’t let any problems develop! Hmm, it would probably help if we gave Prince a dragon’s XX then, Ugly Wolf thought and his contemplation drifted to how it should be served. Stir-fried dragon’s XX, dragon’s XX braised in wine, dragon’s XX soup…6

“Really? That’s great!” My gold coin, hohoho! I want to go for some afternoon tea! I thought happily.

“Noble Highness, save meeeeee!” Gui was running all over the place like a chicken with its head cut off, and there was a dragon – the one that he had just lured back with his Supersonic Soul-chasing Arrow – snapping at his backside. Although I was sorely tempted to ignore his plight… Sigh! In the end, I still hefted my Black Dao and took down the dragon.

Through our combined efforts, we managed to gradually reduce the number of dragons from several dozen to zero. As expected, since the dragons were pretty tough mobs, the amount of experience points that they yielded was incredibly high. Wolf-dàgē, whose level was the highest in our group, leveled up once, while Doll, whose level was the lowest, leveled up twice. However…

“Huff…huff…” Lolidragon lay sprawled out on the ground in a most unladylike fashion. She was wheezing heavily and was unable to so much as utter a word.

I was no better off. I was weary to the bone after fighting all those dragons one after another with no respite. Every muscle in my right arm ached, protesting even the slightest movement. My legs were as weak as jelly.

Wolf-dàgē was so worn out from his “game” of baseball that he had pitched forward and was all but lying on the ground. Doll’s mouth was as dry as a drought-stricken country from chanting the incantation for her Black Restoration Spell. As for Gui, his fingers had cramped up into exceedingly contorted positions. Looks like he’ll have to eat straight from his plate like a dog tonight!

In this condition, the members of Odd Squad lay sprawled on the ground.We didn’t have the energy to sort out the dragon cadavers, much less skin them or remove their tendons and bones… And yet, all I could think about was my dragon XXs and gold coins. Thus, summoning the rest of my strength, I crawled, and crawled, and crawled to the nearest dead dragon…

Waaah! Why is it yet another female? Tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. My afternoon tea…

“Does the noble Lord Prince really like dragon XXs that much?” Gui asked, looking at me with compassion. “Come, let Gui serve you!” He then ran off towards a random dragon and began to clean it up.

Gui… It was the first time I’d felt that grateful towards him – the first time that he didn’t say something that made me want to thrash him. I watched, wide-eyed, as Gui sliced something off from the dragon before speedily taking a pot out and getting a fire going. He then threw that thing into the pot, and started adding various condiments.

“…Gui, what are you doing?” I asked, my voice trembling.

“Beautiful Highness, it’ll just be a bit longer before the dragon XX soup is done!” Gui replied, even as he tasted the soup to check if it was salty enough.

“…”

When a person has been infuriated to the extreme, they possess limitless drive. Before, I had never imagined myself capable of the speed at which I sprinted towards Gui. Once I reached him, I knocked him aside with a flying kick. Fingers shaking, I grabbed the pot of dragon XX soup.

“M-my gold co-o-in! My afternoon tea!” I wailed.

I stomped, stomped and stomped on Gui the Floor Mat, occasionally adding an Exploding Punch7 as well…

“HAHAHA…huff…huff…HAHA!” Lolidragon laughed manically between gasps. Prince? Drink dragon’s XX soup? Hahahahahaha!

So Prince wasn’t thinking about eating dragon’s XX after all! Wolf-dàgē realized. Good thing Gui acted first. Otherwise, I’d have served the dragon’s XX up, and…

“What’s a dragon’s whip?8 Do dragons use whips?” Doll asked uncomprehendingly. With a worried look at Gui – who was getting thrashed by me – she added, “Is Gui-gēge going to die?”

“No, he’s not. Don’t worry, I’ll heal him up later,” Wolf-dàgē consoled. Secretly, he thought, It might actually be a bit better for Gui to die and return to the rebirth point…

After a long while, I was finally tired from beating Gui up. Ordering him to clean up all of the dragons, I looked at all the XXs…

Embarrassed? All that’s in front of me are gold coins and the fragrance of tea. What’s there to be embarrassed about? Wahahahaha!

“Hold up there, you people.” It was a woman’s voice; her tone was arrogant.

I felt a twinge of panic. Don’t tell me it’s yet another “The way is mine to cut…with the hottie you must part” highwaywoman! Glancing at Gui, I thought, Perhaps I should sell him to the highwaywoman?!

As for Gui… Although his expression was still as besotted as ever, a shiver suddenly ran down his spine. Odd, has the weather turned chilly? He glanced at the sky.

I turned around and looked, only to see an extremely cool-looking human girl standing not too far away from us. Behind her stood another four players of different races and classes – clearly they were a team.

A band of highwaymen? That can’t be, right!?

Now on my guard, I looked coldly at that human girl with her “manly” cool. I decided to scare her off – or at least to get her to kidnap Gui instead of me. I deliberately struck a pose with my legs apart, my back slouched, and my hands on my hips. Tapping my left foot impatiently, I spoke in the rudest tone that I could manage.

“Whaaat now! Whada’ya want, girlie?”

“Prince, what on earth are you doing?” Lolidragon asked me on party chat. She sounded utterly astonished.

“I’m pretending to be a gangster! How does it look?”

“…You look like anything BUT a gangster.”

Although Lolidragon’s reaction took some of the wind out of my sails, the cool-looking girl facing me was clearly furious. In fact, she was infuriated to the point where you could almost see her blazing with flames. Waaah! So scary! Looks like I better not pretend to be a gangster any longer.

“What. Did. You. Just. Say?” she asked through gritted teeth.

I was so terrified that I straightened up and stood properly. With a nervous gulp, I replied, “N-nothing much. I just wanted to ask you if anything was the matter, miss.”

“WHAT did you say?!”

Waaah! Why are the flames of her anger even hotter and brighter than before???

Question marks hung in the air over my head. I decided – for safety’s sake – that I’d better put on my “first-rate merchandise,” princely look. Smiling my most charming, most gracious smile, I asked, “Beautiful lady, what would you like to command me to do?”

However, the “beautiful lady” in question actually cussed. (“F*** YOU!” was what she yelled.) Then, she promptly kicked me…using a leg-type move commonly known as “a kick in the nuts.”

The rest of my party was stunned. To think that a girl would actually be willing to kick the Ultra-Gorgeous Prince’s XX! Lolidragon in particular was so flabbergasted that her jaw had nearly fallen off.